Thursday, October 20, 2016
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Did anybody watch the last presidential debate last night? Or as I was calling it this morning, 'the celebrity roast'?
I think the poor Donald has spent too much time in front of a camera. He must have thought he was on a reality TV show last night, the way he was talking. Which, I guess in a way, he was.
The vitriol with thick on both sides, but Donald sounded more like a supercilious bully than a no-nonsense critic, while the Hill-dog just stood there grinning like an idiot.
Finally she was reduced to saying, 'Oh yeah? What about all of those poor women you've been sexually assaulting all of these years?'
To which the Donald responded, 'Wuddn't me.' And since there is absolutely no way to prove whether or not he fingered some beauty contestant under her dress ten years ago, he got away with that answer.
I think the playground of a grammar school would have been a better setting for this debate.
I never thought I would miss ol' Bush 43 saying things like, "There's an old saying that says, fool me once, shame on--shame on you. Fool me--you can't get fooled again."
Or, "Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."
There was a guy you knew wasn't devious. An obvious puppet? Probably. But not devious.
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"The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved." --Russell Lynes
The wife gets naked and by way of foreplay asks her hubby, "What turns you on more: my pretty face or my sexy body?"
Her husband looks her up and down and replies, "Your sense of humor."
"Once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing, he comes next to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination." --Thomas De Quincey
My wife and I went to the Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said.....
"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR"
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.' We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
"THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR"
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW! That's almost 3 times a week! You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, In capital letters,
"THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR"
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'