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Sunday, October 16, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

If anything I am an artisan. A craftsman, you might say, who is constantly striving for excellence. So frequently, before I mail out my dick jokes, I will test them out on the women in the office to make sure they are funny.

I did so with the "memory stick" joke in today's issue and was met with shock, disgust and even anger.

"That is extremely inappropriate, TZ," one of them said. "Jokes like that trivialize a living nightmare that thousands of women suffer through every day."

"Sheesh," I scoffed, shaking my head, "As soon as I mention battery and domestic violence you bitches lose it. You need to learn to roll with the punches...err...grow a thicker skin...I mean...take a joke."



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I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great!

She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating.

When my wife came home Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch football all day, she yelled, "Watch yourself, mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want to do."

"Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a blowjob out of this."

"With the election just a month away, it seems like everyone's encouraging people to vote. In fact, I saw that last week, some politicians in Arizona took part in a voter registration event at a strip club. The politicians said the hardest part was pretending they had never met the strippers before." -Jimmy Fallon

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

"Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini."

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. "I've been diagnosed with AIDS."

The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?"

"Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone."

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