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Thursday, October 13, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

A reader named Gary sent the joke below to me with no explanation other than to read it out loud. I squandered five minutes of my life figuring it out, and now realize that Gary is a big dick.

Father to Son: A B C D duckies.
Son to Father: L M N O duckies.
Father: O S M R ... C D E D B D wings.
Son: Y I B ... M R duckies.

It'll probably make a little more sense to you if your family tree doesn't have too many forks in it.



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"Happy 41st wedding anniversary to Bill and Hillary Clinton! Yep, they celebrated with a quiet dinner. A really, REALLY quiet dinner. 'Did you say something?' 'No.' 'Good.'" -Jimmy Fallon

Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going on in their man's lives almost better than they do.

Why is this?

In the early 80's researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain's two hemispheres than men do. It's these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly unconnectable pieces...

That, and they go through your shit while you're in the shower.

"It's been reported that the biggest currency in prison now is not cigarettes, but ramen. Just make sure to clarify the next time your cellmate asks to hold your noodle package." -Conan O'Brien

A 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom asks how his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today."

"Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait till your father comes home!" says the mom.

A while later the father comes home and the mom says, "Go up to your son's room and talk to him. He's been really bad today."

Dad goes up to the son's room and asks why mom is so mad. "I told her I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy.

"Alright! That's my boy!", says dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about thirteen, right? Wow. That's my boy! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you've been wanting!"

So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?" asks dad.

The boy replied, "Nah, my ass is still sore."

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