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Thursday, September 29, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

After last week's issue about S.H.I.T. I received a lot of 'shit' from readers. Following is a good example...

Stow High In Transit is one of the biggest pieces of crap I've ever read. See below... -Thomas

"The word shit entered the modern English language via having been derived from the Old English nouns 'scite' and the Middle Low German 'schite' both meaning dung. Scite can trace its roots back to the proto-Germanic root skit-, which brought us the German scheisse. Skit- comes from the Indo-European root 'skheid-' for split, divide, separate, thus shit is distantly related to schism and schist."

Oh yeah, that was a lot funnier than what I printed last week. Listen, when I want an etymology lesson I'll call your know, because she's got good oral skills.



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"Sex with me is like the Special Olympics. Lot's of drooling and giggling, but in the end everybody's a winner." --Matt Weinhold

A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was reading the ads in the paper.

He looked up and said, "Here is a great sale on tires!"

His wife replied, "What do you want tires for? You don't have a car."

He came back with, "I don't complain when you go out and buy a new bra, do I?!"

"A Florida man went to court for the right to marry his laptop computer. He said his laptop is just like a wife because whenever he brings it into bed, it freezes." -Conan O'Brien

New Living Will Form

I, _________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

______a Bloody Mary,

______a Margarita

______a Manhattan

______a Martini

______a beer

______a Vodka and Tonic

______a Steak

______Lobster or crab legs

______The remote control,

_____ Pork rinds


it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

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