Thursday, June 25, 2015

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I have been reading about the developments surrounding this Confederate flag controversy with a great deal of interest. The so-called 'Rebel flag' has never been very popular with certain groups of people, but now, after this recent church shooting in South Carolina, a concerted effort to have the flag removed from public places has seen some success.

South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley has called for her state to remove the Confederate battle flag from in front of the State House building, and Alabama's governor Robert Bentley ordered the flag removed from the confederate memorial on the state Capitol grounds. The movement has even gone beyond the political arena as AMAZON and other retailers have stopped selling the flag.

But the really exciting stuff has only just begun to be discussed.

Riding on the coattails of the Confederate flag, some people in politics and the media are arguing that certain public statues, like ones depicting Southern or Confederate figures, including Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee, should be removed. CNN has even suggested that the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C. should not be immune to this kind of argument.

I, of course, applaud this kind of thinking (I have always been a social progressive). How can we heal from the injustices of the past and move forward as a nation if we are constantly being reminded of this abominable history practically every day and everywhere?

Future generations can't truly be immune from racism unless it is literally erased from our history. I know the idea is radical, but if you think about it the right way it makes a lot of sense.

It starts with offensive flags and statues in public places. Then references to these offensive people can begin to be removed from educational materials. Eventually entire offensive and objectionable episodes from our history can be expunged not only from our history, but our collective consciousness.

This would be no small task, of course. It would take decades and require a large, well-funded organization. We could call it The Ministry...err...Department of Truth.

Eventually controversial, divisive figures like Thomas Jefferson would not even be persons any more. More like, I don't know, unpersons.

We may even need a whole new way of talking about these kinds of issues in a public forum with a new vocabulary. We might call it Newspeak - I mean - News'talk'.

Don't let the idea scare you. You have to reverse your ingrained, racist way of thinking about history. Try, I don't know...double-thinking.

I think eventually you'll agree it's doubleplusgood.

Revisionistly,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles." -Conan O'Brien



A seriously depressed, but attractive, woman stands at the edge of a bridge, trying to get up the nerve to jump. A passing hobo stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?"

The woman says, "Hell no! Get away from me you sicko!"

The bum turned to leave and muttered, "Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."



"Congrats to the Chicago Blackhawks, who defeated the Tampa Bay Lightning last night to win the Stanley Cup. Though there was some controversy when the Blackhawks' parents revealed that they're actually Whitehawks pretending to be black." -Jimmy Fallon



A white guy was having trouble satisfying his wife, so he went to his black buddy at work for advice.

"Listen," said the inept white guy, "I know you brothers always satisfy your women. How do you do it?"

"Oh, dat ain't no problem," said his friend. "What I does is pound it in 'em real fast, and then pull it out of 'em real slow. Keep doin' that and dey come every time."

The white guy went home that night and tried his friend's technique out. He stuck it in real fast, and then pulled it out real slow, just like his buddy said. After a while he asked his wife, "Honey, do notice anything different about the way I'm doing it?"

"Yeah," she said, "you're screwing just like black guy."