Monday, July 28, 2014

Good morning crew,

Pierogi Fest in Whitey, Indiana was this weekend. I didn't go. I went last year and was unimpressed with the $6, room temperature domestic beers and soggy pierogis.

Fortunately, my brother Nino came up with an alternative. It just so happened that his wife was out of town and he was going to be a bachelor again for the weekend.

When he called me up I was expecting a plan involving bar hopping around a few of the local establishments, sampling some micro-brews along with the occasional whiskey (to maintain a balanced intake), and then capping off the night at one of the more uninhibited clubs where they have the kind of drinks with names like 'Hanky Panky', 'Brain Hemorrhage', and the 'Lindsay Lohan', served by the kind of waitresses with a certain uninhibited dress code.

But Nino had something else in mind. One of his seemingly endless supply of confidants and informants had told him about an authentic, little Serbian restaurant somewhere out in the west burbs where the food is excellent and the service lousy; just like in Europe.

Nino also told me cousin Kaz was going and bringing his wife Deb. So, apparently the bachelor theme was out the window. So I recruited the wife and we turned it into a five-some.

In retrospect it was probably better that we didn't run around trying to act like kids, because the food was very good. Certainly a lot better than we would have gotten ordering appetizers while swilling beer at the local watering holes.

You could tell that everything was hand-made and authentic; prepared by the kind of chef who was probably very recently slaughtering farm animals...probably in his garage.

And we waded into the deep end too, ordering such Serbian national favorites as pljeskavica (which is kind of like a giant hamburger made with pork, lamb and beef), cevapcici (little hand-made sausages), and Montenegro Rolls which are thin pork tenderloin fillets wrapped around cheese and wrapped with bacon, then deep fried.

You can tell these people are not vegetarians.

Somebody wrote online that Serbia is where bad vegetarians go when they die instead of hell.

I don't know about that, but it was a lot of meat. Fortunately we were able to cut some of the animal fat with several generous applications of a degreaser called slivovitz, which is made from plums but has a subtle aroma of lighter fluid.

I can attest that it isn't fatal because it seemed to go so well with my deep fried pork and bacon that I ordered a second.

After retiring to the beer garden for an hour after dinner to enjoy our digestif and a cigar there wasn't much energy left for going out and carousing. Which was just as well. It ended up being a pretty expensive meal, but worth it...as long as we don't do it more than once a year or so. I don't think my arteries can handle much more than that.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

***
My dentist was telling me how much he had wanted to become a classical pianist. "If only my parents hadn't discouraged me," he moaned.

"Don't feel bad," I respinded as the doctor worked on my teeth. "There's more than one way to tickle the ivories."

***
"With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress." --Ransom K. Ferm

***
Following is a selection of posters that are parodies of the Motivation posters that are so popular in offices these days. Quotes with very appropriate and inspiring pictures...


Incompetence:
"When you earnestly believe you can make up for a lack of skill by doubling your effort, there's no end to what you can't do."

Arrogance:
"The Best Leaders Inspire by Example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well too."

Fear:
"Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at Sea."

Sacrifice:
"Your role may be thankless, but if you are willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who out-last you."

and my favorite right now...

Irresponsibility:
"No Single Raindrop believes it is to Blame for the Flood."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time.

Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?"

After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister is pregnant now."