Anything Goes - April 22, 2014

Greetings...

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about this and that, and I asked her a question that is the topic of today's column. The question?

What would you rather be?

Liked, feared, or respected...

There are those who want everyone to like them and will go to great lengths to "make" people like them. "Make" you ask? Yes, while it may be nice to be liked, it shouldn't affect or motivate your behavior to achieve the "like". It's great to do nice things for people and more people today should try it. However, if the reason you are going out of your way to be nice and do nice things for people is so they like you, you may be deluding yourself into thinking they really like you. Sure, some probably do, but there may be some that "like" you because of what they get from you. Others may "like" you because they recognize the need in you to be liked and are polite, rather than rock the boat and deal with the insecurities that cause the behavior. Then there are those who do a good job pretending to like you, which may make you feel good, but isn't based on an honest relationship...

I once told a dear friend that I didn't care if people liked me or not and it isn't important how many "friends" I have. The reason for my thinking is that I would rather spend quality time, if you will, with true friends and not waste my time with people who are not true friends. That's too much work!

So, for me...I don't care if I'm liked or not, I am who I am and if you don't like me, it's because of that and if you do like me, it's because of that!!!

What about being feared?

Governments, tyrants, bullies, etc. use fear to control other people and "keep them in line". While some may get bravado out of being feared, those in that position usually get their "comeuppance" one way or another and in due time...

There is a point to being feared on a much smaller level, and although I may get a lot of disagreements on this one, I believe kids should be raised having a small amount of fear, which goes hand in hand with consequences. I truly believe the reason me, my brother, and my sister grew up without ever getting into any real trouble was because we had a "healthy fear" of my dad and the consequences that would follow if we got into trouble. He never hit us and didn't have to, he employed what many others in my generation will understand and that was...

"The look"...

The look was enough to stop us dead in our tracks of we were doing something wrong and I swear, he could read our minds and gave us the look if we were even THINKING about doing something wrong!!!

If students had more of a "healthy fear" of their teachers and also consequences, maybe kids graduating high school without knowing how to read would not be a real issue. Maybe, if kids would not only have some fear of their teachers, but the added fear of their parents getting a negative report from that teacher, bullies wouldn't be growing in numbers! Too many parents today tie the teachers hands by siding with "little Johnny" and enabling the bad behavior...

So, in my opinion, a little fear goes a long way as long as it isn't abusive or used to control the masses...

I don't mind being a little feared...(Although...before I have my first cup of coffee, I AM feared a lot!!!

That leaves respect...

For me, personally speaking, this is the most important. You aren't always liked, you aren't always right, but engage in spirited arguments and can encourage people to look at things in another light because they trust you or your judgement. Being respected might not make you the most "popular", but I believe more people will listen to what you have to say than if you were to try to buy their friendship...

You can have someone like you and then somewhere down the road, actually hate you or stop talking to you for whatever reason. It happens, but it's rare that someone will intensely fear you and truly care what happens to you. You can, however, have people not care for you, not like your religious or political views, but admire and respect you for your stance and support of a cause, even if it's something they don't believe in. When you lose someone's respect, it's rarely given again, or is tarnished...

So...for me...

I would rather be respected with a "healthy" amount of fear. Why don't I care one way or another if I'm liked? Because it takes up too much time, can cause too much worry, and the outcome is really never in your hands as much as you would like to think...

:-)

Questions? Comments? Email Jamie

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