Classic Laff-a-Day - March 18, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
The last month or so Clean Laffs Joe has been grooming a
scraggly beard. It's finally grown out enough to where he
doesn't look like a child molester anymore. Unfortunately
now he looks like a reject from a 70s porno.
Personally I like to maintain a well-groomed goatee. I
think it makes me look distinguished, but even so I couldn't
sit idly by and let Joe embarrass himself like that.
"Joe," I said, "I know you're going for the whole Marlboro
Man look, but the truth is you really look like the cop
from the Village People. Why don't you groom yourself a
little bit? You know, do a little manscaping so you don't
look like the Unabomber."
"I'm trying to look like a cowboy, TZ," he replied, "not
like a pussy, like you."
"It's funny you should say that," I told him, "since your
face looks like an Indian woman's poonani."
"Get this," said one drinker to his friends at the bar, "Last
night while I was here with you guys, a burglar broke into my
"Did he get anything?" his friends asked.
"yeah, a broken jaw, two teeth knocked out, and a pair of
broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."
When I checked into my motel, I asked the lady at the desk:
"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she said, "it's regular porn, you sick bastard."
[Thanks to twisted Laffaday reader Charles Starks.]
"Yesterday was Groundhog Day. In fact, when the groundhog
came out of his hole, he didn't even look for his shadow, he
just said he was walking away from his mortgage." -Jay Leno
The Finest Hours DVD...Rare WWII archive footage
"A new study found that eating corned beef for breakfast
could help you lose weight. That doesn't sound like a study,
that sounds like something a guy who eats corned beef for
breakfast says." -Jimmy Fallon
"Here is something pretty unbelievable. The only living
World War I veteran, a man named Frank Buckles just turned
109 years old. What's even more amazing, he just finished
his fourth tour in Afghanistan." -Jay Leno
A new couple were making love in the dunes. When they were
done he said, "How lucky for us that you brought a condom
She said, "We're even luckier than you think because I found
it here in the sand."
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here...
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