Classic Laff-a-Day - March 18, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
"I don't understand the conflict in the scientific and
religious communities regarding Creationism vs. Evolution,"
I said to a group of visiting clients over lunch. "I mean,
whether God created us via intelligent design or monkey's
fucking--we are still His creation."
"Um, yes, I guess," said one suit. "I think the contra-
diction comes in through the story of Adam and Eve..."
"No problem," I interrupted. "If you are an evolutionist,
then the story of Adam and Eve becomes a parable, which,
by the way, is a popular method God employs when trying
to teach us something. And if you are a creationist then
you can take it literally. Either way, the only way to
find out for certain is to die, so I'm in no hurry to know."
"Who is this moro...guy?" one of the dickheads asked
"He's buying," Magilla replied.
"Oh, I see, um, thank you. Interesting ideas..."
"An employee at a Taco Bell in Alaska was sentenced to one
day in jail for throwing a taco at his manager. He'll spend
the whole day pleading with fellow inmates to think outside
the buns." -Jimmy Fallon
A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a
beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer
and came over to harass the kid. "Aren't you a little young
to be drinking, son?" he asked.
"That's nothing," the kid said after taking a swig of beer.
"I got laid when I was three."
"What? How did that happen?"
"I don't remember. I was drunk."
The Shirt Safe lets you hide your valuables in plain sight
"This week in New York, police arrested a man who tried to
steal 43 sticks of underarm deodorant from a drugstore. The
man is being described as 'not European.'" -Conan O'Brien
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who
stuttered." The teacher, knowing how precious some of these
stories could become, asked the girl to describe the
"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and
the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and
before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must've been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl.
"My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF,"
but before she could say 'Fuck!' the Rottweiler ate her!"
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here...
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