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Classic Laff-a-Day - March 11, 2010 ------------------------------------------------------------ Greetings Laff Lovers, The other day my eight year boy son pointed out the car window and excitedly said, "Look! A homo!" "What!" I shrieked. He slowed down a bit and pointed to a stretch Hummer limousine. "A Hummer that's a limousine, Daddy. We call that a 'Hummo'." I burst into the laughter of relief and he was pleased with himself. "I wish you wouldn't call it that..." Then just last night we're all waiting outside for a table at the Olive Garden, when my son points through a crowd of people and shouts, "Look, another Hummo!" About 25 people began to give me and my wife the evil eye. We'll-take-that-to-go-ly, TZ "A new $65 tour called the 'L.A. Gang Tour' is being offered in Los Angeles that takes tourists through L.A.'s most dangerous neighborhoods. The gang tour is also known by its other name, 'A cab ride from the airport.'" -Conan O'Brien Being married or single is a choice we all have to make. It's not a great's sort of like when the the doctor says "Ointment or suppositories?" GENUINE LEATHER MEN'S TRIFOLD WALLET Normal Price: $14.99 Deal Price: $5.99 - 2 for $7.98 "I read that stray dogs in Moscow have figured out how to use the subway. Crazy right? At least in New York, it only smells like dogs have figured out how to use the subway." -Jimmy Fallon "Marriage Definitions" BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony. BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat. GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it. HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had. JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw. LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition. SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place. WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having any- thing to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet. P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here... ************************************************************ YOUR VIDEO SNACK BAR Top Viewed Videos... 1. Alfred Hitchcock Montage 2. Women in Film 3. Charlie Sheen - Two and a Half Men 4. The Spanish Civil War 5. Learn How To Protect Your Identity 6. Cab Calloway

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