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Classic Laff-a-Day - February 24, 2010 http://laffaday.gophercentral.com ------------------------------------------------------------ Greetings Laff Lovers, I never should have let my wife have friends, and I'll tell you why. She recently confronted me with a list of celebrities she wants to sleep with. I'm not kidding! Apparently she got the idea from some of her married friends who have similar lists. I guess the idea is that if the unlikely opportunity ever arose for her to climb into the sack with one of these dream men she should be able to do it without any incrimination from me. Her list (still in the drafting stages according to her) includes; George Clooney, Clive Owen, Matthew McConaughey and somebody named Josh Duhamel. "Who the hell is Josh Duhamel?" I asked. "He's married to Fergie," she responded. "And who the hell is Fergie?" Needless to say this discussion quickly devolved into some- thing of an argument. In an effort to backpedal she told me that it was only fair that I could have a list too. So I thought about it for a minute and said, "Okay, the first dream girl on my list is Cheryl." "You mean Cheryl from down the street?" "The very same," I answered. "You can't pick a neighbor!" she yelled. "It has to be a celebrity." "Oh, she's a celebrity in my fantasies." In retrospect that might not have been the best answer. Proximally, TZ mailto:tz@gophercentral.com "Some scholars of ancient Hebrew are now suggesting that certain portions of the Bible could have been written centuries earlier than others. The scholars say they know this because the newer portions all begin, 'Previously, on 'The Bible.'" -Conan O'Brien After our last child was born, my wife told me we had to cut back on expenses - I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping. The receipt included $45 in makeup. I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!" She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you." I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!" I don't think she'll be back. It's Time To Throw That Tupperware Away http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/1091/c/186/a/500 "Four TSA workers at Los Angeles International Airport were videotaped snorting drugs. It was the first time people had ever seen lines go that fast at the airport." -Jimmy Fallon An American is visiting in France for several weeks. As his stay nears an end, he is sitting around with three of his new-found French friends shooting the breeze. The subject turns to language, and the American says, "Guys, I do have one question left. I keep hearing this expression, 'sang froid'. What does it mean? I know that it literally means, 'cold blood', but how is it used?" The first Frenchman replies, "Ah, zat is easy. Say that a man walks into his bedroom, only to find his wife in bed with his best friend. If he can turn around and walk out without them knowing he was evair zere, *zat* is sang froid!" The second Frenchman interjected, "You have eet all wrong! If, in zis circumstance, zee gentleman can calmly stand zere, and say, 'Please don't mind me; continue', zen *zat* is sang froid!" "Non, non, non!" burst out the third. "If ze gentleman bursts een on his wife and his best friend, stands there saying, 'Please continue', and his friend *CAN* continue, *zat* is sang froid!" P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here... http://laffaday.gophercentral.com ************************************************************ YOUR VIDEO SNACK BAR Top Viewed Videos... 1. Dancing with Fred Astaire http://c.gophercentral.com/c7Jx 2. Women in Film http://c.gophercentral.com/Y8HR 3. Alfred Hitchcock Montage http://c.gophercentral.com/Qt1M 4. Learn How To Protect Your Identity http://c.gophercentral.com/yG3o 5. The Amazing Jennifer Hudson http://c.gophercentral.com/Q0vt 6. I Could Get Used To This http://c.gophercentral.com/Uewr

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