Classic Laff-a-Day - January 31, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
We have a college kid in the office who works part time
sabotaging our video site http://www.evtv1.com and generally
causing mischief. He's a nice kid but he's not exactly the
sharpest tool in the shed.
Anyway, today I heard him bragging about a thirteen-inch
throwing knife he bought off the Internet and I had to inter-
"What in God's name do you think you're going to do with
something like that? What kind of situation do you think
you're going to be in that you'll need a thirteen-inch
"TZ," he answered me, "I don't want to imagine a situation
where I'd need a thirteen-inch throwing knife and didn't
Well, how can you argue with logic like that?
"The owner of a wrinkly dog in Australia has given his pet
a full face-lift and a double eye-lift so it won't go blind.
Unfortunately, after getting all that plastic surgery, the
dog left its owner to live with a younger, hotter family."
Billy-Bob and Bubba were sitting in back of their trailers
shooting the breeze.
Billy-Bob asked Bubba, "If I snuck ovah to yore house while
you wuz out fishin an' fucked your wife, an' she got
pregnant, would dat make us kin?"
Bubba scratched his head for a bit then said, "I don't think
so....but it sho would make us even."
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A lady from California purchased a piece of timberland in
Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points
in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so
she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top,
she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the
ground and got many splinters in her vagina. In considerable
pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor.
He listened to her story then told her to go into the ex-
amining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat
and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?"
The unperturbed doctor replied, "Well, I had to get permits
from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service,
and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-
growth timber from a recreational area."
The government announced today that it is changing its
emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects the
government's political stance.
A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys
the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives
you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Back in my working days I was a union linotype operator in a
daily newspaper on Cape Cod. Our employment required 6 years
of apprenticeship prior to receiving a journeyman's
credentials. We were required to be proficient in English,
particularly spelling and meaning of words, among others.
One day a fellow worker while setting a story came across the
word, "butte" and asked his co-worker the difference between
a butte, mountain or mesa, etc. A discussion arose amongst
several of us and the comparison was made as well of canyons,
escarpmets, bluffs. etc.
Someone suggested we ask Jeannie, one of our proofreaders to
settle the question. Well, Jeannie was what one might say a
worldly lady, and when approached by our representative with:
"Hey, Jeannie, what's a butte?"
She promptly replied: "Offhand, I'd say, one about this
long;" signifying a distance of about 8 inches with her hands.
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here...
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