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Classic Laff-a-Day - December 15, 2010

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I had a pretty tough weekend. Three cooped up kids constantly
fighting, a long 'honey-do' list and a million other normally
inconsequential incidents put me in a pretty constant state of
irritation. But what really started the weekend off badly was
what happened when I was making love to my wife on Friday night.

There we were, face to face, floating away on waves of passion.
A passion created by the trust and security of marriage and
shared parenthood. A relationship so old that I couldn't really
remember what life had been like before her. Floating...
Drifting... Feeling...

She smiled a truly content smile, sighed and opened her eyes.
"AAARRRGGGHHH!" she screamed.

I popped up shouting, "What? What's wrong?!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, TZ," she apologized. "I forgot it was you."



Since my purchases came to $19.06, I handed the cashier a

"Do you have six cents?" she asked.

"Sorry," I said after fishing around my pockets, "I have no

"Finally," she muttered, "a man who can admit it."

"Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I
call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes,
you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!"
--Dave Attell

Sorry Bose, this speaker system is more versatile & under $30

I was giving my kids a few cookies, and as usual, my 10-year-
old daughter scarfed hers down really fast. My 12 year-old
daughter is slow and still had a couple left. My 7 year-old
son was eating his in another room.

"Can I have some more?" asked the 10-year-old.

"Nope," I said. "You should slow down and enjoy them."

"I do enjoy them," she said. "That's why I eat them so fast."

I smiled and patted her on the head. She always surprises me
with her ability to express herself.

"I wish I was her," she said pointing to my other daughter...
"well, I don't really want to be her. I just want her cookies."

I gave a hearty laugh and turned to their mother. "Spoken like
a true American."

"Top ten things men would do if they woke up and had a vagina
for a day"

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20

6. Cross their legs without rearranging.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes BEFORE
closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for
more, without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have
it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

and, the NUMBER ONE thing men would do if they woke up with
a vagina...

1. Finally find that damned G-spot!

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here...


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