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Classic Laff-a-Day - December 3, 2010 ------------------------------------------------------------ Greetings Laff Lovers, The wife is planning a big holiday party next week, so that means last week she handed me a list of about 20 items that need fixing around the house. Things like...a hole in the drywall the kids made when they were playing "World Wrestling Federation", fixing the guest bathroom door that won't close properly, replacing a light switch in the kitchen that doesn't work, etc... She is under the delusion that with 20 or so friends and family in the house we should have doors that work and other luxuries like walls without holes in them. Who are we? The Hiltons? Anyway, I took one look at the list and called a great handy man I know by the name of Frank. Frank could build a house from the slab up with his eyes closed. He and I spent a ten hour day on Saturday taking care of about a decade's worth of repairs, him doing the work and me acting as a gopher between Frank and The Home Depot. By the time six o'clock rolled around we had hammered the last nail and turned the last screw. "Well, that about does it, TZ," he said. "This is going to be quite a bill. Are you sure there's nothing else you want me to take care of before I start adding it up?" I thought about it for a second... "You know the wife has been pretty needy lately. How much to wear her out and give me a little peace and quiet?" "Fifty bucks," he immediately replied. Consideringly, TZ "The U.S. deficit set a record this year: $1.4 trillion. We're teenagers when it comes to money. We want China to drop us off at the mall with a credit card and come back at 8 o'clock." -Jimmy Fallon Chivalry has changed from the days of Sir Walter Raleigh, but contrary to rumor, it hasn't died out altogether: A man will still lay his coat at the feet of a pretty girl; the difference is that nowadays it's intended to keep her back from getting dirty. ::::::: STOCKING STUFFER DEALS :::::::::: Great Items That Are Fun & Won't Cost You Much .......... NEW ITEMS ADDED WEEKLY ......... "By a vote of 5-2, the Georgia Supreme Court has ruled that teachers may legally have sex with students 16 or older if the sex is consensual. Here's what makes matters worse: Since it's Georgia, a lot of these 16-year-olds are still in the third grade." -Jay Leno I went into Satan's office and said, "I want to hire a personal assistant." She stopped what she was doing, paused and said, "But you don't do anything." "I know," I said. "I'm lonely." As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant? The defense attorney took a different approach, however. "I see you are a teacher," he said. "What do you teach?" "English and theater," I responded. "I guess I better watch my grammar," the defense attorney quipped. "No," I shot back. "You better watch your acting." When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case. P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here... ************************************************************ YOUR VIDEO SNACK BAR Top Viewed Videos... 1. All the Single Babies 2. Celebrities: Before and After Make-Up 3. Amos N´ Andy - In the IRS Office 4. The D-Day Invasion 5. The Spanish Civil War 6. The Human Slinky

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