Classic Laff-a-Day - October 15, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
When I came back from lunch today I noticed Satan was inter-
viewing some young woman in her office. I peeked in for a
closer look and noticed a plump young thing with plenty of
Just then they both got up, shook hands and the young lady
exited. As she walked past me I smiled and said 'Hi' and
watched her bounce and jiggle as she walked across the office
toward the front door.
Just then I noticed Clean Laffs Joe. He was staring at her.
Not just glancing, but boring his eyes into her with a mingled
expression of wonder and maybe a little fear.
I walked over to his desk and put my hand on his shoulder.
"That kind of woman would teach you a few things, Joe," I said
commiseratively. "You know, they say plump chicks make the
"Yeah, I know."
"You think you'd even survive an encounter with her?"
"I don't know, but what a way to go..."
"Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In
the nineteenth century, it was a disease; in the twentieth,
it is a cure." --Thomas Szasz
A guy came home from work, "Honey, where are you?"
"I'm upstairs douching," his wife answered.
"I told you never to talk like that!" he yelled.
"What do you want," she replied, "good grammar or good
Sometimes you have a bad day. On those occasions I like to
give my kids fair warning that little to no discord is going to
be tolerated. A typical warning to them would be something
like: "I'm on the warpath today, so if you know what's good for
you you'll shut up."
Yesterday I was upstairs listening to my kids arguing in the
basement. My 8-year-old son said, "Watch it! I'm on the warpath
My 13 year-old daughter quickly replied, "Yeah? well screw you,
The epic history Spielberg and Hanks took their inspiration from.
The real life story of the Pacific. Victory at Sea on DVD - NOW 9.99.
Here are 10 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres
ever aired on British TV and radio...
1) Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator:
"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this
morning and it was amazing!"
2) New Zealand Rugby Commentator:
"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of
3) Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator:
"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
4) Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977:
"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is
kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
5) US PGA Com mentator:
"One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well
is that before each tee shot his wife takes out his balls
and kisses them. Oh my god!! What have I just said?"
6) A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed
to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?"
7) Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
"Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."
8) Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold
night like this."
9) Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance
10) Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up
to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse
"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and
he's only come in his shorts."
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here...
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