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Classic Laff-a-Day - October 15, 2010 http://laffaday.gophercentral.com ------------------------------------------------------------ Greetings Laff Lovers, When I came back from lunch today I noticed Satan was inter- viewing some young woman in her office. I peeked in for a closer look and noticed a plump young thing with plenty of natural endowments. Just then they both got up, shook hands and the young lady exited. As she walked past me I smiled and said 'Hi' and watched her bounce and jiggle as she walked across the office toward the front door. Just then I noticed Clean Laffs Joe. He was staring at her. Not just glancing, but boring his eyes into her with a mingled expression of wonder and maybe a little fear. I walked over to his desk and put my hand on his shoulder. "That kind of woman would teach you a few things, Joe," I said commiseratively. "You know, they say plump chicks make the best lovers." "Yeah, I know." "You think you'd even survive an encounter with her?" "I don't know, but what a way to go..." Appreciatively, TZ mailto:tz@gophercentral.com "Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century, it was a disease; in the twentieth, it is a cure." --Thomas Szasz A guy came home from work, "Honey, where are you?" "I'm upstairs douching," his wife answered. "I told you never to talk like that!" he yelled. "What do you want," she replied, "good grammar or good taste?" Sometimes you have a bad day. On those occasions I like to give my kids fair warning that little to no discord is going to be tolerated. A typical warning to them would be something like: "I'm on the warpath today, so if you know what's good for you you'll shut up." Yesterday I was upstairs listening to my kids arguing in the basement. My 8-year-old son said, "Watch it! I'm on the warpath today." My 13 year-old daughter quickly replied, "Yeah? well screw you, Geronimo." Apache-ly, The epic history Spielberg and Hanks took their inspiration from. The real life story of the Pacific. Victory at Sea on DVD - NOW 9.99. http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/3656/c/186/a/500 Here are 10 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio... 1) Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator: "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!" 2) New Zealand Rugby Commentator: "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him." 3) Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother." 4) Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977: "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew." 5) US PGA Com mentator: "One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that before each tee shot his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god!! What have I just said?" 6) A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" 7) Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday." 8) Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this." 9) Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets." 10) Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts." P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here... http://laffaday.gophercentral.com ************************************************************ YOUR VIDEO SNACK BAR Top Viewed Videos... 1. All the Single Babies http://c.gophercentral.com/Icgl 2. Celebrities: Before and After Make-Up http://c.gophercentral.com/lhPb 3. Amos N´ Andy - In the IRS Office http://c.gophercentral.com/DVhQ 4. The D-Day Invasion http://c.gophercentral.com/DDAx 5. The Spanish Civil War http://c.gophercentral.com/3K42 6. The Human Slinky http://c.gophercentral.com/Wwa9

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