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August 18, 2010
ADULT DAUGHTER'S BEDROOM ANTICS DISPLEASE HER MOM
DEAR ABBY: My adult daughter, "Suzie," spent the weekend at
our home, bringing along her boyfriend of six months. This
was "Liam's" first visit.
I allowed them to share Suzie's old bedroom, which we have
converted into a family office. We keep a large futon in
there for my daughter when she comes to visit. I didn't
make a big deal out of where Liam and Suzie should sleep
because I didn't want to embarrass them, and I was sure
there would be no "hanky-panky" because our bedroom is
right across the hall.
Well, I was wrong. In the middle of the night I was awakened
by Suzie's squeals and moans. Fortunately, my husband is a
sound sleeper. The next morning, while my husband was out on
his daily run, I let the kids have it -- to the point of
slapping Liam around a little. I told Suzie her actions were
disrespectful and I was highly disappointed in her.
Suzie and I are no longer speaking and I am miserable. Do
you think I overreacted? Did I silently give permission for
such behavior by allowing them to share the same futon? And
did Liam really think it would be OK to have sex in my home?
-- MISERABLE MOM IN WISCONSIN
DEAR MISERABLE MOM: I will respond to your questions in
reverse order. The answers are yes, yes and yes. And all of
you owe each other an apology.
DEAR ABBY: "Dave" is 49, well-educated, gainfully employed
and still lives with his parents. He has never been married
and has no children. His dating history is "sketchy" -- he
claims never to have had a serious relationship with a woman.
When I asked him why he has never lived on his own, he told
me he feels comfortable living with his parents.
Dave and I have enjoyed a strictly platonic relationship for
nearly a year. He recently told me he's in love with me and
wants us to be exclusive, with marriage as the ultimate out-
come. I have been divorced for 20 years. My children are
independent, thriving adults. Marrying again is not a prior-
ity in my life.
Dave is kind, sensitive and thoughtful. I care for him
deeply, yet I am skeptical about becoming seriously involved
with a man who seems to be "hiding" something. Am I being
overly critical, or is there something wrong with this pic-
ture?
-- JADED IN JERSEY
DEAR JADED: The situation you have described is unusual, but
it doesn't necessarily indicate that Dave is "hiding" any-
thing. He could be a simple man who enjoys the living arrange-
ment he has with his folks -- and the lowest sex drive in New
Jersey. Before making any hard and fast decisions, you and
Dave need to have some frank, serious and ongoing conver-
sations. You also need to determine how his parents will feel
about "losing" their son after 49 years of togetherness.
DEAR ABBY: I have three daughters who seem to be incapable
of functioning as adults. None of them is employed or in
school. My oldest is a single parent of two kids she doesn't
want.
I love my grandkids and I know I should take them, but I
raised my daughters and feel I'm too old to be Dad to tod-
dlers again. Am I being selfish?
-- DAD OF THREE DAUGHTERS IN NEBRASKA
DEAR DAD: No, you are being realistic.
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