Classic Laff-a-Day - August 17, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I was coming back from the bathroom this afternoon when I
bumped into the customer service girl who also acts as our
"TZ! You're here!"
"Of course, I'm here," I answered. "Where else would I be,
out somewhere living a fulfilling and satisfying life?"
"You had two phone calls and the boss was looking for you.
I told everybody you were gone for the day."
"I was just in the bathroom, for Christ's sake."
"What do you do in there for a half hour at a time!"
"For me, shitting is a spiritual experience," I told her.
"Plus, I wanted to finish the last chapter of this book."
"On Wednesday, Maine became the fifth state to legalize gay
marriage, after Governor Balducci signed a same-sex marriage
bill into law. It's the best news for gays in Maine since
L.L. Bean introduced a line of assless duck-waders."
As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by
her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode
off into the sunset."
She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have
problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground.
A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the
Listen to your music, not outside noise.
Jeff Gordon fires entire pit crew:
This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take
advantage of President Obama's scheme to employ Harlem
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent
documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able
to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without
proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew could only
do it in 8 seconds with million-dollar high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's
management team as most races are won or lost in the pits.
However, Gordon got more than he bargained for!
At the crew's first practice session, not only was the in-
experienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6
seconds, but within 12 seconds they had changed the paint
scheme, altered the Vin number, and sold the car to Dale
Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of
Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here...
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