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August 11, 2010

COLD-HEARTED COMMENT TURNS BEDROOM INTO DEEP FREEZE

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year.
When we got together he had just gotten out of a five-year
relationship. He says he loves me, but he recently told me
that she was better in bed than I am!

I have lost confidence in our relationship and don't enjoy
making love with him now, knowing I don't measure up. His
ex was better looking than I am, but I don't understand
why he would say that. I have told him he hurt my feelings,
but he doesn't care. What do I do now?
-- HURT IN BIG SKY COUNTRY

DEAR HURT: Now you ask yourself whether you want to continue
a relationship with someone so tactless that he would drop
a bomb on you like that one. It's telling that when you let
him know you were hurt, he let you know he didn't care.

There are diplomatic ways for partners to communicate what
they prefer when they are intimate. One of them involves
positive reinforcement when their partner does something
right. Another is simply saying in plain English what feels
good. It appears that your boyfriend is insensitive to the
max, my dear. But what you do about it is something no one
but you can decide.


DEAR ABBY: I have been married 11 years to my husband, who
is one of nine children. My sister-in-law has asked me for
a copy of one of our wedding pictures, which is the last
time all of them were together. Since the wedding, one of
my husband's sibs has died and another is serving a long
stretch in prison.

The problem is, she wants to digitally remove me from the
picture! I don't want to give my sister-in-law a copy knowing
I'll be edited out. It's hurtful, and after all these years
it makes me feel like she hasn't fully accepted me as part
of the family. Am I overreacting?
-- BLOCKED OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR BLOCKED OUT: Your sister-in-law wasn't very diplomatic,
but what she is trying to memorialize is the last time her
biological family was intact. The situation is poignant,
really. My advice is not to take this personally. Give her
the picture before any hard feelings "develop."


DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old niece, "Amanda," is on her cell
phone constantly. She is the smartest kid I know, but she
is failing her classes and has started to lie about every-
thing. I raised her until she was 5 -- I was only 12 myself
when I started -- so I am very close to her. Or so I thought.

Amanda lives with her dad and stepmom, who are doing their
best to raise her, but nothing is working. When she was
growing up she never lied, and I mean never. I have told her
not to be afraid to talk to me about anything, but she
hasn't, and it hurts me that she can't come to me. What do
you suggest I do?
-- WORRIED AUNT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: Speak to Amanda's father and suggest that
he confiscate her cell phone until her grades improve. If she
is texting instead of paying attention in class, and talking
instead of doing her homework, that would be a step in the
right direction. And continue to tell your niece that if she
needs to talk to you about "anything," you are -- and will
always be -- there for her.



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