Classic Laff-a-Day - August 4, 2010
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Due to the recent tsunami on the surface of the sun Classic
Laffaday will only be published one day a week...OK, so it's
not really due to the sun's tsunami it's really because Magilla
and Satan decided my talents would be better used giving
motiovational speeches to our interns and advising other editors
on reader loyaty issues.
Under no circumstances is the decrease in publishing frequency due
to my desire for more masturbation time. That's just a rumor.
P.S. There will not be any ads in Classic Laffaday anymore...Well,
hardly any ads. We'll put a line or two in there pointing something
or other out to you, but hey, it's practically ad free.
Today actually turned into a beautiful day, so I decided to
take my car in for its emissions test. It passed.
Plus, the cute, 20-something technician chick was flirting
with me. Okay, maybe not flirting, but she did smile at me
when I suggested something fun we could do with her sensor,
which is a hell of a lot better than what I was expecting,
which is getting hit with it.
So I was feeling pretty good when I got back to the office
this afternoon. That's when I got a call from my wife. She
said, "TZ, remember you were complaining about an itch this
morning? Well, I think I gave you a yeast infection. Write
down the name of this cream I want you to pick up for us on
your way home from work today."
"Boy George was released from prison after serving four
months. He said the experience was rough, humiliating, and
degrading...and he can't wait to go back." -Craig Ferguson
Two lesbians and two gay guys live right next door to each
other. They both decide to take a road trip on the same day
to the same place. Who gets there first?
The lesbians, of course. They're doing 69 the entire way
while the gay guys are still at home packing their shit.
Need a job? Visit Monster.com
"The Octo-Mom had a thing done. Now she can't have any more
kids. And I thought to myself, 'Well they nipped that in the
bud.'" -David Letterman
Bernie and Faye, a wealthy couple, are coming up to their
50th wedding anniversary and Faye has been thinking for
some months about how they should celebrate. Then she comes
to a decision.
"Bernie," she says, "I'm going to book us a wonderful 6 week
cruise. I know you don't like ships because you got sea sick
last time, but trust me, this one will be perfect for us.
It's called 'Bubbeh of the Sea,' an intimate seven-star
luxury liner with everything kosher we could ever want to
eat made available. Let's give it a go."
Bernie certainly isn't pleased with Faye's decision, but who
is he to argue - he could never win. So he says, "OK dear."
On the day of the cruise, Bernie and Faye drive up to the
dock in their Bugatti Veyron 16.4. Captain Cohen is on the
bridge as they pass by and calls in the purser. "Find out
who they are and invite them to dine at my table tonight."
Later, the purser knocks on the door of the Royal State Room.
When Faye answers the door, the purser says, "Compliments
of Captain Cohen, madam. He would very much like you both to
dine with him this evening."
Bernie comes to the door and says, "Who is it Faye, is there
"This man says that Captain Cohen wants us to eat with him
this evening," replies Faye.
"I told you we shouldn't have come," says Bernie, "seven-star
or no seven-star, we have only been on this boat half-an-hour
and already we have to eat with the crew."
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here...
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