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July 29, 2010
LOUD MUSIC RUINS RECEPTION FOR MANY WEDDING GUESTS
DEAR ABBY: "Lost My Appetite in South Carolina" (June 1)
walked out of a wedding reception after waiting for a de-
layed dinner and suffering through the DJ's "loud, deafening
rock 'n' roll music." You chided the writer and suggested he
should have asked the hosts to lower the volume somewhat.
It's my experience this doesn't work. Insanely loud music is
part of the contemporary American culture.
I have walked out of at least two wedding receptions because
of loud music. A wedding reception is supposed to be an
event to enjoy and talk to people. Something is amiss when
people are invited to a wedding and become a captive audi-
ence, forced to put up with intolerable conditions. Walking
out is a reasonable response.
-- PAUL IN CHESTERFIELD, MO.
DEAR PAUL: It was impossible to turn a deaf ear to the
"volume" of letters I received supporting "Lost" for the
reasons you expressed. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Spoiled brides and loopy parents treat weddings
like Broadway productions. The guests are just extras in the
extravaganza. If people have been invited for dinner and it
isn't being served, they are justified in leaving.
I went to a wedding and was shocked to learn dinner wouldn't
be served until five hours after the reception began because
"the bride preferred to dance on an empty stomach." My hus-
band and I left our gift and took our empty stomachs to a
restaurant. We heard later that the mother of the bride was
angry because more than a dozen guests also left before
dinner, while the bride danced merrily on.
-- J.G. IN LOS ANGELES
DEAR ABBY: You missed an opportunity to point out to your
readers that special dinners are a time for family, friends
and new acquaintances to renew, rekindle and update their
lives and relationships. It might be wise for future wedding
planners to instruct the DJ or band to play soft music -- or
none at all -- during dinnertime. Remember, the "bash" goes
on after dinner and lasts for hours.
-- CATHY LEE IN GROSSE POINT FARMS, MICH.
DEAR ABBY: That letter made me furious! Because of the 30
extra guests we expected, we rented a larger room, hired an
extra waiter and bartender and set up additional tables.
Because some guests didn't show up and others left before the
meal, we had couples left sitting alone at their tables.
The money we could have saved if some of those ungrateful
people had simply declined in the RSVP could have gone to
the newlyweds to start their household. Whatever happened to
courtesy and good manners?
-- DISAPPOINTED MOTHER IN TEXAS
DEAR ABBY: The comfort of one's guests must be considered in
planning an event. I think it's perfectly acceptable for a
guest to leave before dinner, stating, "I'm sorry, but the
music has become too loud for me to stay." It is extremely
rude of hosts to expect guests to tolerate dangerous, un-
comfortable noise levels.
-- VALUES MY HEARING IN N.Y.
DEAR ABBY: The "rule" that guests must eat dinner because it
was paid for is right up there with the assumption that the
price of the gift must be equal to the guests' share of the
cost of the reception. Utter nonsense! It costs the same
whether they eat while suffering from the deafening noise or
discreetly making an escape.
-- COMMON SENSE IN ILLINOIS
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The
Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send
a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.
(Postage is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.