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Classic Laff-a-Day - July 2, 2010 http://laffaday.gophercentral.com ------------------------------------------------------------ Greetings Laff Lovers, When I walked into the kitchen this morning Clean Laffs Joe was gushing to Steve, the editor of the Daily Groaner, about how cool the new Star Trek movie is. "Did you wear your Klingon uniform to the theater?" I inter- rupted. "No! There aren't any Klingons in this movie, TZ. It wouldn't make any sense." "I'm sorry," I answered, "I don't know Star Fleet protocol. Tell me something, when you and your fanboy buddies beam each other, do you at least wrap your light sabers?" "If you're going to try to cut me down," Joe deadpanned, "at least don't mix up the franchises. You sound like a retard." Boldly-going, TZ mailto:tz@gophercentral.com Silly Shaped Rubber Bands 12-Pk Collect 'em... Wear 'em... Trade 'em... 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Order one (1) for just $1.99 SAVE an additional $1.00 and get two (2) for $2.98 SAVE an additional $1.50 and get three (3) for $4.47 SAVE an additional $2.00 and get four (4) for $5.96 SAVE an additional $2.50 and get five (5) for $7.45 For more information: http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/1086/c/120/a/500 "In Connecticut a man was arrested for having sex with a cow. When the man was asked what he was thinking at the time, he said he was thinking about a younger, hotter cow." --Craig Kilborn Three priests are chatting when the first priest says he's going to give up red meat for lent. The second priest thinks for a minute and says he's going to give up sweets for Lent. The third priest's attention had wandered to a passing woman wearing 4 inch heels and a tiny skirt when the first priest asks him what he was going to give up for lent. After regaining control of himself he returns to the conversation and replies, 'Celibacy.' Handy Trends Upside Down Tomato Planter World's Easiest Way To Grow Vegetables... http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/1084/c/186/a/500 "Congratulations to Dolly Parton. She received an honorary degree from the University of Tennessee. It's a Ph.-Double-D." -Jimmy Fallon Gone in Sixty Seconds Instant Wrinkle Eraser Normal Price: $29.99 DEAL PRICE: $19.99 (33% off) Get two for $35.98 (40% off) Give us 15 seconds and we will give you 15 years! Gone in Sixty Seconds Instant Wrinkle Eraser is a powerful formula that activates on contact to visibly erase fine lines and deep wrinkles in just seconds! So, why put yourself through the expense and hazards of botulinium injections for short term results? A scientific blend of oxygenating peptides, micro-collagen and firming proteins tightens, firms and reduces puffiness all day long. It's like having a temporary face-lift in a bottle! BENEFITS: - Erase Fine Lines & Wrinkles Instantly - Fill In Crows Feet & Deep Creases - Smooth Bags & Eye Puffiness - Powerful Non-Prescription Formula - No NEEDLES OR PAINFUL INJECTIONS - No FROZEN FACE, 100% natural results - Leaves No Residue - Works On All Skin Types - Rebuilds: Skin Firmness - Use Under Make-Up - No Albumin, No Whitening Effect - Natural Formulation - Dermatologist Approved Get one for $19.99 or save an additional $4.00 and get two for $35.= 98 http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/2251/c/120/a/500 A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but panties and a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but panties and Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'. Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program 'Are you sure?' asks the rep- resentative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.' The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, your ass is mine.' He lost 63 pounds that week. P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here... http://laffaday.gophercentral.com ************************************************************ YOUR VIDEO SNACK BAR Top Viewed Videos... 1. Bozo - The Worlds Most Famous Clown http://c.gophercentral.com/I8Jl 2. It's Raining Oil in Louisiana http://c.gophercentral.com/m0br 3. Celebrities: Before and After Make-Up http://c.gophercentral.com/9ztC 4. Man's Best Friend http://c.gophercentral.com/IYoz 5. 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