Subscibe to DEAL OF THE DAY

Classic Laff-a-Day - July 2, 2010

Greetings Laff Lovers,

When I walked into the kitchen this morning Clean Laffs Joe
was gushing to Steve, the editor of the Daily Groaner, about
how cool the new Star Trek movie is.

"Did you wear your Klingon uniform to the theater?" I inter-

"No! There aren't any Klingons in this movie, TZ. It wouldn't
make any sense."

"I'm sorry," I answered, "I don't know Star Fleet protocol.
Tell me something, when you and your fanboy buddies beam each
other, do you at least wrap your light sabers?"

"If you're going to try to cut me down," Joe deadpanned, "at
least don't mix up the franchises. You sound like a retard."



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"In Connecticut a man was arrested for having sex with a
cow. When the man was asked what he was thinking at the
time, he said he was thinking about a younger, hotter cow."
--Craig Kilborn

Three priests are chatting when the first priest says he's
going to give up red meat for lent. The second priest thinks
for a minute and says he's going to give up sweets for Lent.
The third priest's attention had wandered to a passing woman
wearing 4 inch heels and a tiny skirt when the first priest
asks him what he was going to give up for lent. After
regaining control of himself he returns to the conversation
and replies, 'Celibacy.'

Handy Trends Upside Down Tomato Planter
World's Easiest Way To Grow Vegetables...

"Congratulations to Dolly Parton. She received an honorary
degree from the University of Tennessee. It's a Ph.-Double-D."
-Jimmy Fallon

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A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight
loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old
babe dressed in nothing but panties and a pair of Nike
running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The
sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' Without
a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later
huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl
shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find
he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the
most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his
life. She is wearing nothing but panties and Reebok running
shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me
you can have me'. Well, he's out the door after her like a
shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best,
but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine
happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself,
he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order
the 7-day/50 pound program 'Are you sure?' asks the rep-
resentative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens
it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing
but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,
'If I catch you, your ass is mine.'

He lost 63 pounds that week.

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here...


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