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June 23, 2010
MAN IS EAGER FOR MORE THAN TALES FROM WIFE'S DATING PAST
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Eric," and I are newlyweds. Several
months ago, with a little coaxing, I shared my previous
"history" with him. I used graphic terms and went into great
detail. Eric found it extremely exciting, and we both bene-
fited from it.
Recently, Eric mentioned how great it would be if I contacted
one of my past lovers to push the envelope of passion even
further. I agreed. My dinner date with the old flame was
actually quite fun, with talk of the past. Eric thrilled at
my description of the "date." His suggestion that I go out
with my old beau and "enjoy myself" as I had when I was
single, however, left me hurt and somewhat uncomfortable.
Eric hinted that a new "story" would take things to another
level. He's completely OK with it, not at all jealous. I
said I wasn't sure, but I'd consider it. What do you think?
-- MRS. R. IN ILLINOIS
DEAR MRS. R.: Some "envelopes" should remain sealed. Think
long and hard before embarking on the path toward which your
husband is leading you. Is this really the kind of marriage
you signed up for? How would you feel about Eric looking up
old flames and reporting back to you?
Frankly, I think you're being pushed in the wrong direction.
The result could very well be that you end up feeling used
and degraded.
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DEAR ABBY: I want to help my son and grandchildren. His
current wife moved out, taking their two little ones with
her. His other three children from his first wife still live
with him. They are upset about this and can't understand why
they have been abandoned by their stepmom -- just as they
were by their birth mother. The little boy is taking it the
hardest.
How can I help my grandchildren understand that this isn't
their fault?
-- HEARTBROKEN GRANDMA IN TEXAS
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: If you and your son's second wife are on
speaking terms, ask her to contact your grandchildren and
explain that grown-ups sometimes can no longer live together,
and they need to remain with their father. She should also
tell them that her leaving has absolutely nothing to do with
them.
If the children continue to have ongoing abandonment issues,
they should be seen by a therapist who can help them put
those issues to rest. All you can do is love your grand-
children and be there for them as much as possible.
DEAR ABBY: I work in the corporate office of a major airline
and communicate with many employees throughout the country.
I do a lot of traveling, both for business and for pleasure,
and when I do, I encounter a lot of our employees who recog-
nize me and say hello as I travel through their stations.
My problem is, I have a difficult time remembering names,
and on occasion, recognizing faces. I'm embarrassed when
this happens, and I don't know what to say. What's the best
way to respond to someone who recognizes me, even though I
don't recognize him or her?
-- RED-FACED IN WASHINGTON
DEAR RED-FACED: How about this? Smile at the person and say,
"Hi! It's nice to see you." And let the person who recognized
you take it from there.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The
Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send
a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage
is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.