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Classic Laff-a-Day - June 16, 2010

Greetings Laff Lovers,

This morning I felt a sharp little pain inside my nostril.
Trying to figure out if it was an ingrown hair or a pimple
or what I stuck my head out of my office and asked one of
the girls to borrow a makeup mirror.

"You're not going to do anything weird with it, are you?"
she asked while rummaging in her purse.

"Nope," I replied. "Just stick it down my pants."

"You're in luck then," she said, "I have a magnifying
compact right here."



Not only is this cool, it is exceptional too...
4 in 1 Safety Light

List Price: $9.99
DEAL PRICE: $4.99 (50% off)
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Here's a must have for any vehicle to have in any emergency.
This compact safety flexible flashlight has 3 LED lights, a
4 LED flashing red light bar and a high-pitched alarm sound,
making it perfect for all around use.

- Three (3) LED Lights
- Four (4) LED Flashing Red Light Bar
- High Pitched Alarm (easily activated)
- Magnetic End (great for attaching it to any metal surface
like your car in an Emergency)

You'll love the rubber finger-grip and magnetic feet so it
can be placed on any metal surface. Measurements are 5 x 2
and uses 3 AAA batteries (not included).

Get one for $4.99 or save an additional $2.00 and get two
for $7.98 by visiting:

"In business news after receiving billions of dollars in
government bailout money, the company Chrysler ended up
filing for bankruptcy protection today. Chrysler was founded
in 1923 by Walter P. Chrysler, but it really took off under
his younger brother, Jesus H. Chrysler, who's I guess like
some kind of marketing genius." --Jimmy Kimmel

I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative
phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising

"Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated."

Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change
my mind and volunteer.

I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what
that means?"

She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"

"The government does not want us to call it the swine flu.
They're calling it the 2009 H1N1 virus. The reason for the
change is they want people to know you can still eat all
the pork you want without any risk to your health, except
diabetes, obesity and heart disease." --Jimmy Kimmel

Gone in Sixty Seconds Instant Wrinkle Eraser

Normal Price: $29.99
DEAL PRICE: $19.99 (33% off)
Get two for $35.98 (40% off)

Give us 15 seconds and we will give you 15 years! Gone in Sixty
Seconds Instant Wrinkle Eraser is a powerful formula that activates
on contact to visibly erase fine lines and deep wrinkles in just

So, why put yourself through the expense and hazards of botulinium
injections for short term results? A scientific blend of oxygenating
peptides, micro-collagen and firming proteins tightens, firms and
reduces puffiness all day long. It's like having a temporary
face-lift in a bottle!

- Erase Fine Lines & Wrinkles Instantly
- Fill In Crows Feet & Deep Creases
- Smooth Bags & Eye Puffiness
- Powerful Non-Prescription Formula
- No FROZEN FACE, 100% natural results
- Leaves No Residue
- Works On All Skin Types
- Rebuilds: Skin Firmness
- Use Under Make-Up
- No Albumin, No Whitening Effect
- Natural Formulation
- Dermatologist Approved

Get one for $19.99 or save an additional $4.00 and get two for $35.= 98

As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was
sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides.
The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had
I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant?

The defense attorney took a different approach, however.
"I see you are a teacher," he said. "What do you teach?"

"English and theater," I responded.

"I guess I better watch my grammar," the defense attorney

"No," I shot back. "You better watch your acting."

When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused
from the case.

P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Laffaday forum. Check it out here...


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