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April 13, 2010
INVOLVEMENT IN COMMUNITY CALMS FEAR OF AGING ALONE
DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter from "Afraid to Be
Alone" (Feb. 15), who is moving to a new state and has no
family except for her husband. As a teacher of health policy
and administration, I agree that she shouldn't be overanxious
about her future to the point of distraction.
There are concrete steps she and her husband can take to pro-
tect themselves and have some security as they age. These
include purchasing long-term care insurance, creating a
living will and medical power of attorney, and communicating
their wishes about heroic measures should either of them
ever face that decision.
They should also look into moving to a continuing care re-
tirement community (CCRC), most of which have differing
levels of care -- from assisted living to nursing home care
-- with guaranteed access to its members. These are just a
few of the steps "Afraid" could take now to give herself
some peace of mind.
-- CHRIS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR CHRIS: Thank you for your helpful suggestions. Like
you, many readers were quick to offer reassurance to
"Afraid." Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I allayed our own fears by choosing
to live in a community with close neighbors and many activ-
ities. Avoiding isolation is what is important. Knowing what
caregiving and other support services are available also
helps, whether or not they are needed right now. "Afraid's"
thoughts of death, if frequent, could be a symptom of depres-
sion and should be evaluated by a doctor if they persist.
-- HAPPY TO BE ALONE
DEAR ABBY: "Afraid" should take stock of her life now, and
consider her interests and hobbies. Gardening, art, reading,
clubs, sewing, shopping, theater, antiquing or volunteering
are all possibilities for her future if the need or interest
arises. Since she is worried now, she should make sure that
wherever she moves accommodates these needs later in life.
It's never too early to become prepared.
Last, but not least, the right pet can go a long way toward
providing company and comfort. As soon as I walk in the
door, I yell to my cat, "I'm home!"
-- DEFINITELY NOT LONELY IN KENTUCKY
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DEAR ABBY: Where are "Afraid's" current friends? Moving
means nothing to true friends. My mother kept in touch
with her childhood friends until her death in her 70s --
and they were spread all over the country.
Like "Afraid" I am an only child, plus I have never been
married. I have a few faithful friends from high school and
college who are there for me regardless of their location.
I, too, would drop anything to be there for them. They mean
everything to me, and I know our relationships will continue
through our old age.
-- GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS
DEAR ABBY: You advised "Afraid" to join church and social
groups. I would like to add that if she enjoys children and
young adults, she should get to know her neighbors, and
volunteer at the library, hospital, school or scout troop
in her new area.
Children thrive on the love and stories of "grandparents" --
and they benefit from the wisdom and experience. These
friendships often extend into the home, offering the joy
and belonging of family. You are never alone with "family"
around you.
-- NANA TO ALL, IN VIRGINIA
DEAR ABBY: I suggest she look for the "learning in retire-
ment" programs available. We joined one at a university four
years ago when we moved to Greenville, S.C., and have met
some wonderful people.
-- CAROL K.
DEAR ABBY: We, too, spent the first 30 years of our marriage
feeling like the only childless couple in the world. Then we
moved to an age-restricted community. We have never been
happier. Many of our new friends also have no children, and
we no longer worry about aging alone.
-- KAREN IN HENDERSON, NEV.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting
along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should
Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed
envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to:
Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL
61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.