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March 22, 2010
HUSBAND'S YOUNG CRUSH LEAVES WIFE FEELING FLAT
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Roger" -- 64 and retired -- has a
crush on a 25-year-old woman who lives in our small commun-
ity and who runs a dress shop I frequent. Roger is usually
quiet and reserved, but when he sees "Patti," he utters loud
cries and runs to her side. He examines every detail of her
clothing, makeup, etc., and takes her hand and compliments
her on her soft skin, her ring or the color of her nail pol-
ish.
From the expression on her face and the looks she exchanges
with the other women in the shop, it's clear she considers
him a pest.
I have spoken up and said, "Patti must have a grandfather
your age," or, "There's no fool like an old fool," but Roger
ignores it. My concern is that he's making a fool of himself
in public and, by extension, me. I'm so embarrassed, I can
no longer walk into my favorite dress shop. Patti is popular.
She has many dates and is not interested in Roger. I hate to
be pitied by others. What can I do to stop this?
-- OLD FOOL'S WIFE IN ALABAMA
DEAR WIFE: Roger's "crush" is a reflection on him, not you,
so keep your cool and please stop calling him an old fool.
It's insulting and belittling, so of course he'll tune you
out. Try this instead, "Roger, when you act the way you do
when you're around Patti, it's embarrassing to me. That's
why I prefer you no longer accompany me when I go there."
Then, when you shop for clothing, go without him. And in-
struct Patti and the saleswomen that if Roger drops by with-
out you to tell him he's welcome -- IF he's buying something
for you. That way, instead of a problem, you'll have a wind-
fall, and so will they. You can even leave a "wish list" with
Patti in advance.
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DEAR ABBY: I was recently married, but we had to postpone
our honeymoon for a couple of weeks due to weather and the
loss of a sitter for my wife's daughter. The day after our
wedding, my bride, "Brenda," informed me that we had a din-
ner date the following Monday with another married couple
who are friends of hers. I gladly accepted, thinking it
would be fun to go out and celebrate since our plans had
fallen through.
The day before the dinner I was told that the husband (in
the couple) had to work -- so Brenda and his wife would go
out to dinner and, if it was OK with me, I would stay home
and baby-sit my new stepdaughter. I felt I had no say in the
matter, and to keep things positive in this brand-new marri-
age, I agreed.
I have no problem with Brenda going out alone with her
friend, but I did feel slighted. Shouldn't the dinner have
been postponed until a time when we were all available? Or
should I have accepted this "girls' night out" with more g
race?
-- HONEYMOON-DEPRIVED IN KNOXVILLE
DEAR HONEYMOON-DEPRIVED: It depends upon how "graceless" your
reaction was. While I don't blame you for feeling slighted,
the dinner could have been rescheduled for when the husband
was available, or you could have been included. I hope you
told your wife how it made you feel because it may make her
more sensitive to your feelings in the future.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were out to dinner with two other
couples who are also good friends. We all enjoyed a couple
of bottles of wine during our meal.
When the check came, we split it three ways. However, one of
the other couples insisted that we should tip only on the
food portion of the bill. I said we should tip on the entire
bill, including the cost of the wine. Who was correct?
-- PROPERLY SERVED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR PROPERLY SERVED: You were. The tip should have been com-
puted on the entire tab -- and that includes the wine that
you "all" enjoyed with your meals.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist
and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send
a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity
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is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.