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Feb. 15, 2010
GRANDMA ADDS INSULT TO INJURY CAUSED BY HER HURTFUL REMARK
DEAR ABBY: My daughter and I haven't spoken in more than two
years because of something I said regarding her grandson,
"Joey," who is my great-grandson. The last time I saw this
boy, who lives in another state, he was 7 or 8.
My daughter's husband was expressing how proud he was of
Joey, who is a star football player -- a linebacker at 200
pounds and over 6 feet tall. I said, "Wow, the last time I
saw him he was 7 or 8 and fat as a little pig." My words
were not wisely chosen, but an expression I have used many
times. It was just a comment.
They left the state in early spring without a call or a
goodbye. On Mother's Day I received a "gushy" card, which I
returned with a note saying how much I would have loved the
card -- if I had felt it was sincere.
I am 86 and hate what has happened, but I feel I am being
punished for just "being me." Should I make the first move
or just let sleeping dogs lie?
-- OUTSPOKEN GRANDMA IN FLORIDA
DEAR OUTSPOKEN GRANDMA: You should have apologized for your
comment the minute you realized you had struck a nerve. And
returning the card the way you did only added fuel to the
fire. My advice is to write your daughter and son-in-law a
note of apology and do it soon, because at 86, you don't
have any time to waste.
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DEAR ABBY: I am a woman from a family of females who are all
large-busted. Sad to say, I am the exception. My husband not
only looks but stares when he sees a big-breasted woman. He
promised me a few years ago I could get implants. He even
let me consult two plastic surgeons, and then twice prevented
me with excuses from having it done.
I do not want this because of his actions but because I have
always wanted a well-balanced body. I have been told by
family members to go ahead and get the implants without his
knowledge. I believe he would love the end result, but I'm
not sure this is the right way to do it. What do you think?
-- NO MORE EXCUSES IN LOUISIANA
DEAR NO MORE EXCUSES: I think that if you want to have breast
augmentation, you should do it. BUT NOT THE WAY YOUR FAMILY
IS SUGGESTING! Have a serious talk with your husband, so you
can explain how you feel about having the surgery and he can
tell you exactly what his qualms are. While he may enjoy
looking at large-breasted women, he married you just the way
you are, and he may be worried that something could happen
during the procedure that could cost him the love of his
life. Hear him out.
DEAR ABBY: I am an only child who has been married for almost
30 years to a wonderful man who is also an only child. We
have no children.
We are moving to another state where we don't know anyone. I
am worried that one day I'll be all alone in the world with
no one to turn to. (Women statistically tend to live longer
than men, and my husband is seven years my senior.)
What do people do when they have no one, and how do I not
let this ruin our otherwise great life now?
-- AFRAID TO BE ALONE
DEAR AFRAID: First of all, quit preoccupying yourself with
thoughts of death and isolation. When you arrive at your
destination, join a church or synagogue if you are religious.
If you're not, find organizations where you and your husband
can volunteer time and meet people. Join social clubs if
you're moving to a sizable city. "Old age" will happen years
from now, if you're lucky. And regardless of what "statis-
tics" say, you could go before your husband -- so stop
worrying and enjoy the time you have together.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money
order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is
included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.