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July 8, 2010
GOOD OLD DAYS ARE LONG GONE FROM DETERIORATING RELATIONSHIP
DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old woman and have been with my
fiance for 2 1/2 years. I love him and can't picture my life
without him. However, over the last six months he has become
emotionally abusive. He's never wrong, gets mad if I disagree
with him about anything, and he yells at me over every little
thing.
He used to treat me great, and now this. I miss how it used
to be, and I cry almost every day. In the past I always told
myself I would never put up with something like this, but I
have been -- and it gets harder every day. I know it's not
physical, but emotional abuse counts for something, right?
Or am I overreacting? Please give me some advice. I need to
know there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.
-- SAD IN LAS VEGAS
DEAR SAD: You're not overreacting. What you are experiencing
now is a preview of how the rest of your life will be if you
stay with him. When a partner becomes controlling and emo-
tionally abusive, in most cases it's only a matter of time
until the physical abuse begins. If you're smart, you will
put an end to this NOW. The "light at the end of the tunnel"
is the sunshine you'll see once you exit this relationship
and slam the door behind you.
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DEAR ABBY: Would you please say something about the practice
of choosing teams for group games by having team captains
select individuals through the process of elimination?
As a child, I was always the person chosen last, and it hap-
pened again at a recent community function. I found it just
as humiliating and hurtful as an adult.
We were asked to stand and then sit down as our names were
called. I was the last person standing in a room of 60 peo-
ple, and it felt like I had just been pronounced the least
popular and desirable person in the room.
-- THE OUTCAST IN ALLEN PARK, MICH.
DEAR "OUTCAST": I'm glad you wrote. When choosing teams for
group games, most savvy educators separate students into
"odds" and "evens" -- or divide them alphabetically -- rather
=
than using the old "last man standing" method. That this
would happen in a room full of adults shows extreme insensi-
tivity, and I don't blame you for being upset.
DEAR ABBY: My mom recently married a man with four daughters
whose upbringing was very different than mine. Most of the
time the "culture clash" doesn't bother me, except when we
get into trouble.
When I stay out after my curfew, I am grounded for two weeks.
When they do it, they get a minor scolding. While I under-
stand that we were raised with different standards, I resent
it when my punishment is worse than theirs. How can I make
this equal?
-- ANGRY IN THE WEST
DEAR ANGRY: Yours is a problem that occurs in many families
when they become blended -- and you are right; the situation
is unfair. That's why I hope you will show this item to your
parents. Family counseling can help them arrive at a fair
solution and head off resentments before they explode.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist
and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send
a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage
is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.