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Oct. 15, 2009

GIFTS FOR GRANDCHILDREN CAN BE BOTH FUN AND PRACTICAL

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Where's the Fun in Up-
state New York" (July 26), whose husband, "Hugh," insisted
they buy their grandson a $100 savings bond for his first
birthday when she wanted to splurge on toys and clothes. I
understand her frustration.

Couples should decide together what to do, not tell the other
what will be done. That said, I agree with Hugh that $100 to
$150 on gifts for a 1-year-old is excessive. The child's room
will soon look like an overloaded toy store. I have seen this
in our extended family. At Christmas it took 2 1/2 hours to
open all the gifts. Egads! We've become a nation of excess,
and kids expect it.

Years ago, I approached the parents of our godchildren with
the offer of savings bonds on holidays, which they gratefully
accepted. Two of the "children" are now in college, and we're
pleased we lifted a bit of the burden of the cost they'll
face. I know it's not a "fun" gift, especially for the little
ones, so we always include a token present for "now." I hope
that couple can reach a similar agreement and not let this
drive a wedge.
-- SENSIBLE IN IOWA

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DEAR ABBY: It's not like you to miss the warning sign of a
controlling spouse. If Hugh is truly "wonderful in every
way," then they should agree to disagree on this issue.

She should spend what she wants, within reason, on gifts of
her choice for their grandson's birthday. If he feels
strongly about the savings bond, which is also a wonderful
gift, then they should get that, too. Because they are fin-
ancially comfortable, and this is the only area of disagree-
ment, surely Hugh can compromise.

I am alarmed that he has already decided what they'll be
giving the child for every birthday. Grandparents tradition-
ally engage in a mixture of indulgent and practical gift-
giving. She was not looking to buy a wildly over-the-top
gift. Hugh needs to relax and be a partner, not a dictator.
And by the way, "fun" is not a dirty word. It's Baby's first
birthday -- lighten up!
-- MELISSA IN NEW YORK


DEAR ABBY: Some spouses suffer from "economic abuse" when
one partner dominates financial decisions. I agree that a
baby won't be impressed by pricey items, but this woman's
gift choices are a form of self-expression. She should be
allowed the joy of choosing presents and enjoying her grand-
baby, especially since she contributes to household finances,
but even if she didn't. Sometimes these gifts become treas-
ured keepsakes passed through generations.
-- GIVING MY TWO CENTS' WORTH IN ABILENE


DEAR ABBY: While the adults in my life did give me toys and
material things for my birthdays and holidays, I am 26 now
and I have little recollection of what they were. What I know
now is that because of the generous gifts of savings bonds
from those loved ones, my fiance and I were able to make a
down payment on a beautiful home without being "house poor."
Those bonds allowed us to make a major step forward in our
lives and be comfortable and secure.

It means the world that the adults who loved me and are no
longer with me are part of this house and my new life, even
though they could not be at my wedding.
-- SARAH IN HOUSTON


DEAR ABBY: My husband and I decided early on that we'd open a
joint bank account and place half of each of our earnings in-
to it. I opened another account in my name only for the other
half. That way, if we disagreed on something -- such as a
gift -- I could buy it myself. It has worked well.

I do agree that for the child's first birthday, Hugh's idea
is best. The child will appreciate it when he's older.
-- DEBORAH IN MARIETTA



To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most
frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-
sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for
$6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box
447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the
price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.