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TOUGH TOOLS LED TORCH FLASHLIGHT
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May 20, 2010
FRIENDSHIPS MET HALFWAY CAN SURVIVE SEPARATION
DEAR ABBY: I can empathize with "Deeply Hurt in Arizona"
(March 16), who travels back to her hometown to see her
large extended family and struggles to make time for her
longtime friend "Judith," who nonetheless feels slighted.
My husband and I grew up in the Northeast but now live out
of state. We have flown hundreds of miles with our children
to visit our families back there. Once we arrived, it seemed
we were expected to continue traveling from town to town to
do all the visiting. It became very stressful.
These people made little effort to visit us in our state or
even come to our "base" while we were in their area. While
"Hurt" visits her elderly parents, Judith appears to be
sitting around waiting for her and making little effort. Why
doesn't Judith go to the parents' home? Or, better yet, have
a girls' weekend in Arizona or somewhere in between?
We have gotten past our irritation with family and friends
and do two things: 1. We tell people in advance when we're
coming so they can make plans. Groups -- especially friends
-- can double up, and see us and see each other. 2. We use
our time the way we want and not the way we feel we are
obligated to.
"Hurt" should urge Judith to try to come to her. The road
goes both ways.
-- WORKED IT OUT IN ALPHARETTA, GA.
DEAR WORKED IT OUT: Thank you for writing. The scenario in
"Hurt's" letter hit a nerve with a number of readers.
Read on:
DEAR ABBY: When my kids visit from out of state, I have an
open house so the family can come to one place and spend
time with them. This gives my kids more time to visit with
me and any special friends they may want to see. It also
lessens the guilt of not being able to see everyone. This
has worked well for us, and now the family expects me to
do it every time the kids come back.
-- DIANA IN OHIO
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Travel Ready 37 pc First Aid Kit
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DEAR ABBY: I agree that Judith is selfish and immature. I
have friends all over the U.S., and when they come to visit,
I understand that most of their time will be spent with
family.
Judith needs to grow up and realize that not everything
revolves around her. Instead of complaining about the lack
of time "Hurt" has for her, Judith should make the most of
the time she does get to spend.
-- SHELLIE IN INDIANA
DEAR ABBY: There may be a crisis in Judith's life that she
is displacing onto "Hurt." When the emotions around that
crisis calm, she will need her old friend. Is there anyone
in town who could find out what is going on?
I knew a woman who cut everyone out of her life in a rage
after the betrayal of an assault by a loved one. Another
person did the same thing after a cancer diagnosis. Once
the shock faded and they began to deal with their issues,
they confided in their old friends about what was really
happening and were able to reconnect.
-- SUSAN IN CENTERVILLE, OHIO
DEAR ABBY: Our family moved two hours away to make a better
life for our kids. With a newborn in tow, we spent the
entire first summer traveling home to visit family and
friends.
My best friend came to see us once in the first year after
our move. Recently she told me that because I moved away,
we no longer have anything in common and that "maybe we
would cross paths again -- someday."
It hit me like a ton of bricks, but I have chosen to move
on. If our paths were meant to cross again, they would not
have split in the first place.
-- ANGELA IN WASHINGTON STATE
DEAR ABBY: Was the only time Judith heard from "Hurt" when
she had a few precious moments for Judith? If one person
has to do all the communicating, perhaps it isn't a true
friendship -- and that is what Judith was trying to say.
The art of communication and caring is dying. Hey, folks:
Friendship is a two-way street.
-- BEEN THERE, TOO, IN PENNSYLVANIA
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversation-
alist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular."
Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check
or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby
-- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL
61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.