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March 24, 2010
FRIENDS THINK CLUMSY WOMAN'S BRUISES ARE EVIDENCE OF ABUSE
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old woman who is a "klutz," which
explains why I often have bruises on my legs and elbows. The
other day, while lunching with friends I hadn't seen in a
while, one of them brought up the subject of my bruises. (I
had rolled up the sleeves of my blouse and was wearing a
skirt.)
I laughed and explained how I got them -- running off an
elevator before the door had opened all the way, tripping
while climbing some stairs, and crashing into the coffee
table and nearly breaking my leg. My friends exchanged
knowing looks and told me if I ever needed anything --
ANYthing at all -- they were there for me and offered pro-
tection!
It became obvious that they think my fiance caused the
bruises. I explained that I am often in a hurry and accident-
prone. They didn't believe me. They just nodded and said,
"Uh-huh ..."
I feel so humiliated. My fiance has never laid a finger on
me. I have never had a healthier, more loving relationship,
and it hurt that my friends think I'm a victim of domestic
abuse.
A birthday get-together is coming soon and I don't feel
comfortable going now. I'm worried they may tell others what
they "think" may be going on behind closed doors. How do I
set the record straight?
-- JUST CLUMSY IN AMARILLO
DEAR JUST CLUMSY: You won't set the record straight by hiding
out and refusing to face them. Doing so will only fuel their
unfounded suspicions, so attend the party. And at the next
girls' lunch tell them, warmly, that you appreciate knowing
they'll always be there for you, and if they ever need you
for anything -- ANYthing at all -- you'll be there for them,
too. Say it sweetly, with a smile, and above all, do not
appear defensive.
P.S. In the future, how about slowing down, trying to be more
careful and watching where you're going? One of these days
you could seriously hurt yourself.
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DEAR ABBY: I have a horrible secret. I have cheated on my
husband with multiple strangers. I have tried to tell him I
have an addiction, but he blows me off. When I first met him,
I had been with two people. Since our wedding, I have lost
count.
I think about sex constantly and often arrange to meet men
anonymously many times during the week. I have tried to stop,
but I just can't seem to. Believe me, I have tried.
I have attempted to talk to my husband about this so he will
listen -- but I'm afraid to estimate how many times I have
cheated because I fear he will leave me. Please help me.
-- CAN'T STOP DOWN SOUTH
DEAR CAN'T STOP: At this point the only thing worse than
telling your husband what's been going on would be not to.
People who engage in anonymous sex can carry all kinds of
STDs, and you have exposed not only yourself but him to
them. You both should see a doctor and be tested immediately
-- and if you love him, you will give him that important
message.
There is an organization that may be able to help you re-
gain control of your life. It's Sexaholics Anonymous. It
originated in 1979 and is based on the same principles as
Alcoholics Anonymous.
Its Web site is
www.sa.org
and the e-mail address of the Sexaholics Anonymous Inter-
national Central Office is
saico@sa.o=
rg.
Please contact them ASAP because they will take you seriously,
nothing will shock them, and they may be able to help you
break the news to your husband in a way that won't end your
marriage.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money
order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is in-
cluded in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.