Don't You Hate Not Knowing About The Batteries In Your Drawer?
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Nov. 5, 2009
FRIEND IN NEED IS REPAID WITH BITTER DISAPPOINTMENT
DEAR ABBY: Please print this for me on behalf of myself and
all the other well-intentioned folks out there who have lent
money to others.
"Dear Friend, Family Member or Co-Worker: You came to me in
a state of panic -- unable to make your car payment, pay your
lawyer's fee, your taxes or the light bill. You asked for my
help. I gave it to you because I respected and trusted you
enough to go out on a limb for you. Please honor your promise
to repay me without my having to ask you.
"Please don't show up in a new car or with photos on your
new cell phone from your exotic vacation until I have been
repaid. Please don't invent a reason to be 'mad' at me, as
if that erases the loan. And please do not ask for another
loan while you still owe me money!"
Abby, I know you'll say I should have drawn up official
papers for the loan but, the truth is, few people expect
to be shafted by the people they care about. All someone
who owes money has to do is pick up the phone, initiate a
payment plan and then stick to it.
-- FEELING USED IN NEW BRIGHTON, PA.
DEAR FEELING USED: Your problem isn't a new one. William
Shakespeare wrote, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." I
would be remiss if I didn't stress to you -- and the rest
of my readers -- the importance of talking to a lawyer or
CPA before lending any significant amount of money to any-
one. (By "significant" I mean any amount that you can't
afford to lose.) If papers are drawn up and for some reason
the borrower is unable to repay the loan, there could be a
tax benefit for the lender.
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DEAR ABBY: I have just learned that my husband of 28 years
has end-stage leukemia. I worked in the medical field for
years and have been around a lot of sick people, but this is
"unreal" for me. I'm in a state of shock, and terrified about
what lies ahead.
I have told all our children except our daughter, "Pearl."
Pearl is pregnant and has miscarried three times. She knows
her father hasn't been well, but she doesn't know the cur-
rent facts. When her father first became ill, Pearl told me
that if I ever withheld any critical information about it
from her she would never forgive me. She lives in another
state, far from us. I am worried if I tell her about her
dad's condition she'll have complications with her pregnancy.
But if I don't and her dad worsens, Pearl might not get to
see him in time.
Am I wrong to keep this from her? Should I tell her? I don't
want to increase her stress and risk of having another prob-
lem with her pregnancy.
-- SUFFERING IN SILENCE
DEAR SUFFERING: When Pearl first learned of her father's
diagnosis, she put you on notice. Because your other child-
ren know your husband's condition has worsened, what is to
prevent one of them from letting something slip?
Call your daughter and let her know her dad's condition has
worsened, but that he's getting the best treatment available.
Do not announce that he is dying. She'll catch on to that
fact as she talks to you, her other siblings and to her
father as time progresses.
Much as you would like to, you can't protect Pearl from this
reality. Better she experience the loss of her father along
with you and her siblings than to learn later that she was
left out.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage
is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.