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Oct. 21, 2009
FRIEND INVOLVED WITH MARRIED MAN WILL HAVE TO GO IT ALONE
DEAR ABBY: My best friend "Jenny's" husband died four years
ago. They had been married 28 years, and she has grieved hard
for him. She has been looking for a relationship because she
wants a man in her life.
Three months ago, she ran into a married man she knew through
her former job. (I'll call him "George.") They were casual
acquaintances, but when George learned she was a widow he
immediately asked for her phone number. He called the next
day, they talked, he visited her at her home, and they had
unprotected sex. They now see each other once or twice a week
and have sex. That's all they do. Jenny says she's in love
with him. She talks about him constantly and says she's very
happy.
My husband and I were at a club the other night and saw
George in the company of another woman. I haven't told Jenny
because she doesn't want to be told if her man is cheating
on her. She says that what she doesn't know won't hurt her.
I disagree. If he's having unprotected sex with her, it's
probably the same with the other woman. George appears to be
a player and Jenny has blinders on. I'm worried about her.
I don't want to ruin our friendship. We love each other like
sisters. But I hate seeing her used like this. What should I
do? My husband says leave it alone -- she'll find out anyway.
-- DISMAYED IN DALLAS
DEAR DISMAYED: When someone tells you she doesn't want to
know if her man is cheating on her and what she doesn't know
won't hurt her, take it from me, she already knows he prob-
ably is. And by the way, George isn't "her" man -- he is his
wife's man. How do you know he wasn't with his wife that
night at the club?
You may love Jenny like a sister, but you can't save her.
Your husband is right. Leave it alone.
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DEAR ABBY: I work for a small company where I'm one of 12
employees under one manager. My boss, "Debbie," is having
problems at home. Almost daily, she brings her not-so-sunny
outlook to the office and proceeds to drag everyone else
down.
Any time a colleague has something positive to share, Debbie
finds a way to negate it. If someone mentions it's nice
weather, she'll complain about how much yard work she needs
to do and the disastrous effects of global warming. She even
complained that a pregnant co-worker's impending maternity
leave will be "inconvenient."
The woman thrives on negativity, chaos and stress. She even
complains about happy times of the year like summer vacations
and holidays because we tend to be busier. (Isn't that a good
thing considering the economic climate?)
Our office is small, so there's no escaping her. If she's not
complaining to us, she's telling the same sob stories to a
client on the phone. What can my co-workers and I do to keep
from being dragged down with her?
-- WORKING FOR "DEBBIE DOWNER INC."
DEAR WORKING: You and your co-workers should talk to your
employer as a group because "Debbie's" behavior is neither
professional nor conducive to a healthy working environment.
Your boss should also be told that she is sharing her "sob
stories" with clients, because it could cost him business.
Debbie may or may not need psychological counseling, but
she definitely needs to be "counseled" about leaving her
personal problems at the door when she enters the work
environment. And the person to stress that to her is HER
boss.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting
along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should
Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed
envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to:
Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL
61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.