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MEMORY FOAM INSOLES
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Dec. 11, 2009
FIANCE'S KIDS RULE THE ROOST DURING THEIR WEEKEND VISITS
DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my fiance, "Trevor," for
three years. When his children -- ages 7 and 8 -- are here
for their visits, he treats me like a third wheel. Trevor
shows me absolutely no affection, nor will he have as much
as a two-sentence conversation with me.
His children dictate what we will be having for dinner and
what we'll do for the weekend they are here. They hang on
him as if they are growths on his skin. I can't even get a
hug from him. We don't have five minutes alone. Trevor allows
them to stay up as late as they want, and once they go to
bed, he goes, too. Most times he doesn't even say good night.
Many times he has left me and my 5-year-old son sleeping and
has taken his kids for breakfast without even giving me the
courtesy of asking if we'd like to join them. Abby, as soon
as his children return to their mother, he becomes himself
again -- attentive, loving and always including me in what
he's doing.
I have told Trevor many times how I feel about this. I under-
stand he loves his children and wants to spend as much time
as possible with them when they're here. But must I be put on
hold while they visit? I'm ready to pick up and leave.
-- LOW PRIORITY IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR LOW PRIORITY: Feeling as you do, that might be best
for all concerned. For whatever reason, you perceive your
fiance's visitations with his children as competition. From
my perspective, however, Trevor loves his children, may
carry some guilt that the family is no longer intact, and
tries the best he can to concentrate all his energy on them
during the short periods they are with him. This is not about
you and him; it is about THEM.
Forgive me for not being more sympathetic, but please rec-
ognize that your present is a glimpse of what your future
will be if you marry Trevor. Once you accept that, you'll
have a better idea of what you want to do.
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Muzee USB Internet Radio
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DEAR ABBY: I'm a 56-year-old woman. When I was growing up,
I missed out on a lot in school because of a hearing prob-
lem. I was able to graduate from high school -- but just
barely. I can read and write, but there are things I should
know how to do but can't.
I am very embarrassed that I'm not able to do things most
people take for granted -- for example, make change. I could
never work as a cashier because I know I'd be fired on the
spot. I have owned a housecleaning business for 17 years,
which has worked out OK, but I'd like to have a job where
I'm around people.
How can I learn about money without embarrassing myself or
my family?
-- CHALLENGED IN TENNESSEE
DEAR CHALLENGED: Because you want to supplement your math
skills, start checking opportunities that are available in
your area for adult education. Some high schools and
community colleges offer night classes for adults.
Also, some important advances in cash register design have
occurred since your school days. Cash registers now indicate
for the cashier exactly how much change should be returned
to the customers. So if the idea of a job in retail inter-
ests you, start looking around.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: Hanukkah begins at sundown. To all of
you I wish a happy festival of lights!
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money
order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is in-
cluded in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.