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July 22, 2010

FEELINGS FOR BEST FRIEND ARE BURDEN FOR BISEXUAL FEMALE

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old female who has recently come
to terms with the fact that I am bisexual. My problem lies
in the fact that I am strongly attracted to one of my best
friends. I have liked her for several years, and she is a
large part of the reason I discovered I was bisexual. I know
she is straight and won't ever feel the same about me, but
every time I'm around her, my romantic feelings for her start
up again.

It has reached the point where I'm considering avoiding her
to stop these feelings. None of my close friends are gay,
and I don't feel comfortable discussing this with them. Is
there any way I can still be friends with her without being
so intensely attracted to her?
-- ATTRACTED TO MY BEST FRIEND

DEAR ATTRACTED: You can do something about your actions,
but not about your feelings. You will probably always be
attracted to your friend. You will be less attracted -- and
better able to handle your feelings -- once you have become
involved with someone else.


DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Rodney" for four months. He
is very nice, and we get along well. My problem is I am not
totally attracted to him because of some dental issues.

Shortly after we started dating he told me he chews tobacco,
which has contributed to his yellowing teeth. Because of
this I find it hard to kiss him. Rodney has noticed it, but
I told him I am not big on kissing -- which is really not
the case.

How should I approach the subject with Rodney? This issue
keeps me from completely falling for him. Please offer me
some advice if you can.
-- TURNED OFF IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TURNED OFF: If you truly care about Rodney, confront
the subject directly, because if he doesn't do something
about his addiction to tobacco, your romance won't last.
Tell him you weren't honest about how you feel about kissing
and that his breath and yellow teeth have kept you from fully
enjoying it.

Most people don't realize how dangerous and addictive chewing
tobacco is. Studies show that the amount of nicotine in the
bloodstream of "chewers" is twice as great as for smokers.
Chewing tobacco is a cause for cancer of the mouth, lip,
tongue, cheek and throat, heart disease, tooth decay and re-
ceding gums, as well as halitosis (bad breath). Nicotine gum
can help Rodney quit and possibly save his life. So speak up
-- for his sake. And yours.


DEAR ABBY: When I was in college, I dated "Alex." Three
months later I found out he had a steady girlfriend, "Jane."
Over the next two years Alex continued to cheat on Jane with
me because Jane wouldn't have sex with him. I finally told
her what had been going on because I was angry, and I ended
the relationship with Alex.

Ten years have passed, and I hear they are being married.
Do you see anything weird/strange/wrong with that? If a man
cheated on me and later proposed marriage, I wouldn't accept
because the thought of the other woman would always be on my
mind. Would you share your thoughts?
-- DUMBFOUNDED IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: OK. I think it's time you stopped obsessing
about a relationship that ended 10 years ago. It appears Jane
has waited a long time for Alex to get serious -- and now he
has. What happens after they marry will be her problem, not
yours. Let it go and concentrate on your own life.



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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.