Don't You Hate Not Knowing About The Batteries In Your Drawer?
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Oct. 19, 2009
FAMILY'S RECORDED HISTORY IS NOW A MATTER OF MEMORY
DEAR ABBY: When our first grandchild was born, my son, "Vic,"
and his wife bought the first video camera in the family. I
often asked them to bring it to family get-togethers, and to
help out, I purchased dozens of long-running, high-quality
tapes.
We didn't buy a lot of toys for the kids. We made memories
instead -- a trip to the circus, renting out the roller rink
for the entire family, and holding "sports championships" in
our yard. All of the fun was captured on tape. Our family
grew, babies became teenagers, and we had a growing pile of
tapes.
Two years ago, my husband died unexpectedly. I felt as though
my life had been torn to shreds. I was slow getting over the
shock.
Recently I finally felt strong enough to watch the tapes
again. ("Grandpa" was always in the middle of the action.)
When I asked Vic to bring them over, his response was, "Mom,
we don't have those videos anymore. We taped Junior's soft-
ball games over them." I said, "How could you?!" He replied,
"Get over it, Mom! It's all in the past."
I was so angry, I walked out. I haven't called them since,
and they haven't contacted me. I am so hurt. How could any-
one have so little feeling?
-- RE-RECORDED IN MIAMI
DEAR RE-RECORDED: Your son's response was brutal. He owes
you an apology for his rudeness and insensitivity, but he's
right about one thing -- the tapes are gone. He was put on
the defensive, and that's why he tried to dismiss your
feelings. Obviously, he thought the family would go on for-
ever just as it was. That's why he didn't think it was
important to preserve the videotaped family album. Of course,
by sacrificing the past for the present, he ultimately
cheated his own family and any siblings of his generation
who might be interested in sharing the family history.
Fortunately, you have many happy memories in your heart of
your happy marriage and the experience of raising your
family. And no one can ever take those away from you.
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DEAR ABBY: I have been married two years to a wonderful man,
but we're having problems in the bedroom. Both of us are
very uncomfortable talking about our feelings, especially
when it comes to sex, and I just can't explain to him what
I want him to do and vice versa.
I have tried many times to say things indirectly but have
never been successful. I can't talk to him directly because
I am very embarrassed. This has started to destroy our
marriage, and now we generally prefer to sleep alone so that
we don't have to have sex.
-- S.O.S. IN THOUSAND OAKS, CALIF.
DEAR S.O.S.: If you want to save your marriage, you will need
the assistance of an "interpreter" so you and your husband
can communicate more fully. Please talk to your doctor and
ask for a referral to a licensed, experienced sex therapist.
(Because you find the topic of sex embarrassing to discuss, I
recommend you consult a woman.)
Believe me, you are not the only couple to have this problem.
In fact, so many others do that sex therapy is a specialty
unto itself.
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two
booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite
Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed
envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)
to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris,
IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.