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August 12, 2010

FAMILIES BATTLING CANCER FIND STRENGTH COMFORTING EACH OTHER

DEAR ABBY: "Devastated in Oklahoma" (June 18) asked how she
can be supportive of her father, who is battling lung cancer.
I was in a similar situation 3 1/2 years ago when my dad was
diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a cancer of the blood.

It was terrifying witnessing the physical impact it had on
my dad. I realized there wasn't anything I could do for his
pain -- that was up to his doctors. But I figured out what
I could do: I could raise money for cancer research.

I joined the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training
and trained for an endurance bike ride while raising money
for cancer. It was the greatest experience not only for me,
but also for my dad, who was extremely touched by the number
of donations. It gave him a morale boost.

I would like to encourage "Devastated" to look for a similar
program in her area. It may help her deal with the diagnosis,
knowing she's helping current and future patients just like
her dad. "Devastated" doesn't have to be an athlete to sign
up. I didn't even own a bike when I started the journey!
-- EMMY IN ALBUQUERQUE, N.M.

DEAR EMMY: Taking a proactive stance is an excellent sugges-
tion and one I am happy to pass along to "Devastated."
Read on:

DEAR ABBY: With two cancer survivors in my family, I heartily
endorse your advice. Even when we faced a 10 percent chance
of survival, we worked, prayed, researched and talked about
hopeful prospects. It helped us all in valuable ways.

There were dark days, but love of family, attention to medi-
cal messages, prayer and forward thinking can make a huge
difference in the healing process. This is a time for "Deva-
stated" to bond in new ways with her father.
-- BEEN THERE, TOO

DEAR ABBY: My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer, too.
She had one-fourth of her left lung removed. We thought it
might be the end for her, but it certainly wasn't. She lived
for seven more years, and I cherished the extra time I had
with her. I hope "Devastated" will treasure every second with
her father now.
-- BARBARA IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR ABBY: As a father of two and grandfather of four, I know
there is nothing more wonderful than being involved with
one's progeny. "Devastated" should know that when her father
comforted her, he was given the opportunity to do what a
father loves to do -- show love to his child. And believe
me, to know he was needed was a comfort to him as well. She
need not worry. She is right where she needs to be.
-- PAPA IN HAYWARD, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: "Devastated" should consider hospice if her father
decides to stop treatment. It's a godsend and costs nothing.
Most of all, she needs to let her father comfort her and to
be her daddy for as long as possible. It will make him feel
better. Let him know she loves him and will support any dec-
ision he makes. It is OK to cry, and to cry with him.
-- MARY IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ABBY: My brave, strong, loving father was killed instan-
tly in a car accident. When I learned about it, I wished I
had him to comfort me. "Devastated" is fortunate to still
have time with her father.

She should not feel guilty about her feelings; they are per-
fectly normal. She needs to be his daughter first, his second
pair of ears throughout his treatment and his caregiver if
needed. The strength will come when she needs it.
-- STILL MISSING MY DAD



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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box
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