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GopherCentral Book Collection
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Jan. 6, 2009

EMBARRASSING PICTURES SEND A THOUSAND WORDS OF WARNING

DEAR ABBY: Shortly after college and a bad breakup, I met
someone I thought was a "nice" guy. I allowed him to take
sexually explicit photos of me. I realize now that I did it
because I had very low self-esteem back then.

The moment he snapped the pictures I regretted it and asked
for them back. He refused, and even tried to extort money
from me with threats of sending copies to my workplace. I
was working for a Fortune 500 company at the time and was
scared to death. Fortunately, he didn't follow through on his
threat.

Fast forward 20 years: I am now a stay-at-home mom with a
wonderful husband and two young children. I still think
about the mistakes I made all those years ago, and I had a
dream recently about this particular situation. I'm not
worried about my husband finding out because I told him
about this before we were married. However, I do wonder what
happened to the pictures. With today's technology, they
could be anywhere now.

Who we are today is not necessarily who we are going to be
tomorrow. Abby, please warn young girls and boys to THINK
before doing something that can possibly follow them through
a lifetime.
-- NAMELESS IN GEORGIA

DEAR NAMELESS: Amen! But your letter is a more effective
warning than any sermon that could come from me. Not only
is it a fact that the photos and statements we post on the
Internet are there for eternity, but the "sexts," texts,
videos and blogs of yesteryear can haunt us like tattered
vagrant ghosts instead of staying buried. One need only re-
call the embarrassment of certain celebrities -- who should
have known better -- whose names and images have been blasted
across the media and learn from their mistakes.

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DEAR ABBY: My wife had a series of affairs during our 25
years of marriage. I loved her, so I tried to ignore what
was happening for the sake of our three children. When she
left me for her boss, divorce was my only option.

The years have passed and I am remarried to a wonderful
woman. We are happy together and life is good.

Abby, what should my role be in building a bridge between my
children and their mother? Our oldest son hasn't spoken to
her in seven years. The middle child, our daughter, has
accepted her mother's husband. Our younger son blocks his
mother's calls and e-mails.

The kids are in their 20s and live on their own. The hurt is
still there from her betrayal, cheating and lies, but I worry
about my kids and their relationship with their mother. Is it
my responsibility to intercede on her behalf?
-- DISTRESSED DAD IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DISTRESSED DAD: No. In fact, you should stay out of it.


DEAR ABBY: I just started counseling for postpartum de-
pression. My husband keeps asking me what we talked about.
During the counseling sessions I discuss all aspects of my
life -- including my husband. How can I let him know that
what I discuss with my therapist is none of his business?
-- NEW MAMA IN ARIZONA

DEAR NEW MAMA: Your husband's curiosity is natural, partic-
ularly if he has never had any counseling. My advice is to
tell him that during the sessions, you and your therapist
talk about your feelings. Then invite him to a session and
let him listen. Unless he is one of the causes of your
depression, he'll probably be bored.



To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage
is included in the price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.