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Dec. 24, 2009
DECEASED RELATIVES' LETTERS LINK DIFFERENT GENERATIONS
DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Stuck for an Answer"
(Oct. 9), whose wife found a box of letters written by her
late mother to her father. She didn't know whether to read
or destroy them.
If Mom had wanted the letters destroyed, she would have
already done it. As a genealogist and historian, my advice
is to keep them in a safe place for future generations. I
have correspondence between my great-great-grandmother, her
daughters and their daughters that dates back to the 1870s
and extends through the 1940s. I also have her diaries, her
daughter's autograph book from high school graduation in
1880, and diaries written by her granddaughter that date
from the time she was 16 until her death at the age of 90 in
1998.
I am sure my great-great-grandfather never thought I'd be
reading the letter he wrote to his brother during the Civil
War in 1865, mentioning all the women in the city he was
going to spend some time with! Abby, "Stuck's" wife should
cherish the letters she found, even if she never reads them.
They are precious heirlooms for future generations that will
teach them about the impact of World War II on young love.
-- HISTORICALLY SPEAKING
DEAR HISTORICALLY: I suggested to "Stuck" that reading the
letters would allow his wife new insight into her parents'
early life. Many readers agreed and offered personal anec-
dotes. Read on:
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DEAR ABBY: My dear friend "Zack's" father left him letters
he had exchanged with Zack's mother during World War II. In
one of them was the information that Zack had a half-sister
in Italy! If he had not read those letters, he would never
have known about this member of his family.
"Stuck's" letters have survived 60 years. He can rightfully
suppose that his mother-in-law saved them with the intent of
passing them on. Those letters have tremendous historical
significance. There are few firsthand documents like these
remaining. I'm sure the World War II museum in Washington,
D.C., would love to have them. Every firsthand story helps
us construct our history. Can you imagine what we would have
missed if 15-year-old Anne Frank's diary had remained unpub-
lished?
-- WELL-READ IN NEW YORK
DEAR ABBY: My mother asked if my sisters and I wanted to
read the letters Dad had sent her during the war. We declined
because we felt the letters were private. Mom requested that
they be buried with her when she died. When she passed away,
we could not immediately locate them. Then, just before in-
terment, my sister found the letters. The funeral director
allowed us to seal them in a box to be placed in the ground
with Mom's burial urn. They are now, once again, close to her
and Dad, and everyone finds that knowledge comforting.
-- BEVERLY IN ALBANY
DEAR ABBY: I knew growing up that Mom kept letters from my
father in her lingerie drawer. When she died in 1996, I
placed them with her in her casket. When my sister-in-law
asked if I had read them, I said, "Absolutely not -- they
were for Mom's eyes, not mine." My advice to "Stuck" would
be to destroy them.
-- DONNA IN MARYLAND
DEAR ABBY: When our parents died 22 years ago, we also found
letters he wrote her while in the Army. My sisters and I
pored over them -- laughing, crying, learning new things
about them. It allowed us a glimpse into something we never
thought we would see -- our parents as a young couple, newly
in love and afraid about the war. The letters are a family
treasure. Of all the things we have acquired since their
deaths, they remain the most precious of all.
-- MARY IN PHOENIX
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a
business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money
order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet,
P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is
included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.