THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Dec. 28th 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

Today, is the day that you, the reader, are the star. Today I will be posting some of the wonderful reader comments that found their way to me in response to a column that I put out (Tee-Hee-Hee, Put Out!) on Dec. 19th.

If you would like to refresh your memory on that classy publication just click here: I Just Don't Get It!

Now, without further ado, here are your comments...with a response from my brain to your computer screen. Enjoy!

Don't feel bad, Steve. I don't understand most of the stuff on that list, either. - Dean
[Oh, that makes me feel better. So I'll see you at the meetings?]

I have to tell you, Steve...I have 2 cats, so I can speak with some knowledge here...NOBODY understands cats! I repeat...NOBODY! - Penny
[And yet you let two of them crap in your house.]

did you ever see those people in the mall kiosks that are selling lotions or stuff?? they walk right in front of your face while you are walking and stick the lotion in your face and say "can i ask you a question?" i usually answer "you just did" and they look at me like "WTF" and that's it. - James
[When that happens to me I usually say "Yes" and then keep on walking...unless I do enjoy the scent of the lotion.]

#7 I don't understand that one either. What does a 3 yr old need w/ a cell. Oh I know to text thier mom when nap time is over or they have to use the potty. LOL - Carol
[I just moan and groan when nap time is over and the smell usually signifies potty time. Live simple.]

Well, that will do it for me and 2011. Have a Happy New Year and I'll see you in 2012...unless I can't find my binoculars.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- Going to the Super Bowl --*
John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately John's seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium. He noticed an empty seat 10 rows up from the 50-yard line. He decides to make his way to the empty seat.

As he sits down he asks the man next to him if anyone is sitting there. The man told him no, it was empty. John is very excited to have a seat like this at a Super Bowl and asks why in the world no one is using it? The man replied that it was his wife's seat but she passed away. He said this was the first Super Bowl that they have not attended together since they were married in 1968. John said that it was really sad and asked if he couldn't find someone, a relative or a close friend to take the seat?

"No" replied the man, "They're at her funeral!"


*-- One Bad Bird --*
David got a parrot for his birthday. Unfortunately, it had a bad attitude and screamed expletives all the time. David tried hard to change the bird's behavior by constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, but nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, it just got ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. He heard the bird squawking, kicking and cursing. Then it got quiet. David worried he had hurt the bird, so he opened the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped onto David's arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you. I will change my behavior immediately."

Astounded by the bird's sudden politeness, David was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot said, "May I ask what the turkey did?"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: what do rich cats have in their refrigerators?

A: Automatic mice makers.


Q: Why did the cowboy die with his boots on?

A: Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket.

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