THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, August 20th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

I may have belted out a rant about this topic before, but it is something that has always bothered me and I just can't wrap my mind around. It's an inescapable horror that knows no bounds. It is simply... pure EVIL! Of course I'm talking about the Hamburger Helper mascot.

I've always asked myself, "What in the hell is that thing?" I guess it's supposed to be a glove, or an oven mitt or a hot hand (chemistry teachers know what I'm talking about), but why does it only have FOUR fingers? And why does it look like it's supposed to be on the hand of Mickey Mouse?

Do you remember the one Hamburger Helper commercial where a mother and her son are in a drive-thru and the hand pops up from the backseat and scares the crap out of them and then proceeds to convince them to have delicious Hamburger Helper for dinner instead of fast food. It's the scariest commercial I have ever seen and this coming from the guys that has seen a whole five minutes of the "Sex and the City" movie in HD. It wasn't pretty.

This mascot, whatever the name of it may be, is one of the strangest and most disturbing advertising gimmicks ever conceived. It seems that its purpose is to scare you into fixing Hamburger Helper for a meal, and you'll hope that once you do it will leave your car, house, kitchen, pantry, counter-top, or wherever it may be lurking to influence your decision on what's for dinner. We can only hope.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- I'm Not Repeating Myself --*
The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.

Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be confusing.

So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and they will not have a meeting before the first meeting.

This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening the repetition.

*-- Don't Get Swept Away --*
A very small female janitor (4'10", 90 pounds) worked at an amusement park and was told to go out and sweep up the grounds.

As she was getting ready to head out to clean up, her supervisor noticed her putting rocks in her pockets. When asked what she was doing, she pointed out that it was so windy out she was afraid of getting knocked over by the wind.

'So,' she said, 'now I weigh me down to sweep.'

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Where do geologists like to relax?

A: In a rocking chair.


Q: What did the earthquake say to the volcano?

A: It's not my fault.

***
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