OH Yeah...Well, Take THAT Martha Stewart
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THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, June 16th 2010
Good Morning Groanies,
When I was a kid I wanted cable television for one reason,
I wanted to watch The Learning Channel (TLC). I dreamt
about watching program after program about the wonders of
the world, medical breakthroughs, memorable historical
events, important historical leaders, the awesome power of
nature, and so on and so forth. And now that I have cable
television and I can watch TLC at my leisure, but then I
discovered the type of horrific programming this horse
turd of a channel offers these days and it made me want to
puke in my mailbox.
Here's a few of the pearls of programming that The Learning
Channel (TLC), THE LEARNING CHANNEL, the place where lives
are enriched to dizzying heights by the information that is
shared with them via the television and you learn things,
offers its viewers.
1.) I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant - This show features the
TRUE tales from women about what they thought was a dire
need to take a crap which turns out to be labor pains and
then eventually the birth of their child, all while sitting
on the bowl. I wish I was kidding!
2.) Little Chocolatiers - This show features the entertain-
ing exploits of a Salt Lake City chocolate shop owned and
operated by little people, that are married. I can't make
this stuff up!
3.) Mall Cops: Mall of America - Like the title says this
show is about the exciting lives of Mall Cops at the Mall
of America. Watch as they crack cases involving shop-
lifters, lost children, drunken theater-goers and parking
spot disputes. Just riveting stuff!
These are just three of the around thirty programs that
are scheduled to air on this once prestigious network.
Today, the only thing that you can learn from The Learning
Channel (TLC) is that people are morons who like the mall,
chocolate, little people, and wouldn't know labor pains
from a loaf about to be pinched.
It's just plain sad.
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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The young fellow was about to be married and was asking
his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should
have it.
His grandfather told him that when you first get married,
you want it all the time...and maybe do it several times
a day.
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or
so.
Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.
When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a
year...maybe on your anniversary.
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how
about you and Grandma now?"
His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."
"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.
"Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom and
I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, 'Screw you', and I
holler back, 'Screw you too!'"
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Q: What's another name for undercover cops?
A: Pigs-in-a-blanket.
Q: What do you call a cow that won't give milk?
A: A milkdud.
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