THE DAILY GROANER - March 5, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

Have you ever called to make an appointment to see your doctor and to get in to see the doctor as soon as possible you lied about the symptoms of your illness or the fact that you had an illness at all just so you could wear one of those nifty gowns or get to hear the snap of a rubber glove that's worn by a medical professional with a rectal thermometer in their shirt pocket? (Wow, I got really specific right there.) Come on, we've all done it.

I was at my doctor's office the other night, with a legitimate illness, sinus infection, and I asked the receptionist if she could recall any of the ridiculously extravagant illnesses that patients have claimed to have suffered to warrant them a shoehorning into the doctor's already busy schedule.

Patients have claimed to have suffered from the following, get this... gopher flu, weepy nipples, toenail retraction, hair aches, lazy neck, heel widening, the chili farts, phantom belly button, anaconda attack, out of tune meat whistle, checkered rectum, werewolf-ism, burnt toast smell, evening vision, decaffeinated cankles, sea legs, poo particles, llama pox, droopy chin, fuzzy bag... and the list goes on.

After hearing the laundry list of bogus illnesses that supposed sick, and very creative, people were using I suddenly realized that I'm not the only one that has suffered from the dreaded onslaught of the chili farts... and fuzzy bag.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- I'm Shrinking! --*
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."


*-- You Ain't From Around Here, Are Ya? --*
A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks at him.

The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"

The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."

The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"

The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"

The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."

The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the child study in the airplane?

A: He wanted a higher education.


Q: How did the farmer fix his jeans?

A: With a cabbage patch.

***
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