The Twister Car Performs Twists, Stunts, and Wheelies...
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/1152/c/186/a/585
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THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, September 27th 2010
Good Morning Groanies,
In light of all this Lindsay Lohan business, and by
"business" I mean - her arrest, failing drug tests,
being denied bail, jail time, blah - blah - blah. She's
just one on the endless list of moronic celebrities that
just can't help but get caught spending some time on the
wrong side of the law.
I believe that I have the solution to rid us of these
waste-of-space celebrities. We just "Cool Hand Luke" them.
What I mean is we take a few suggestions from the cinematic
masterpiece, starring Paul Newman, to turn these media
mutants into celebrities that aren't set on self-destruct.
First, we bring back "the box". Basically "the box", for
those that don't know, is an outhouse that prisoners get
locked into for an extended period of time. Any celeb that
breaks any law goes directly to "the box". And they shall
stay there until deemed ready for release. And while in
"the box" they will be without agents, credit cards,
publicists, sparkling spring water, make-up artists, cell
phones, tiny dogs, or anything else that these butt-puppets
think are a necessary accessory to helping them get through
their daily lives.
Next, we make each celeb dig a 6 foot deep hole and when
their finished we make them fill it back up and dig it out
all over again. And that goes on ALL DAY LONG.
And finally, the after this goes on for a while these
criminals will be broken and realize that they lead
shameful lives that would embarrass Steve-O from "Jackass"
and then they will turn over a new leaf and become product-
ive people that aren't spreading their self-involved feces
all over the various media outlets.
This is true celebrity rehab and I'm Dr. Steve with a
prescription for one big foot in these celeb's keisters.
It's just an idea. It's a work in progress.
Oh, this is off topic, but I just found out that people
are now creating twitter accounts for their dogs. If this
is true these people need to cover themselves in chum and
then attempt to brush the teeth of a Great White Shark with
their bodies. Dumbasses!
My blood pressure is so high right now!
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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A man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse
me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a
psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "The light was on..."
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Q: What did the grandfather do when the truck got old?
A: He retired it.
Q: How do you hunt bear?
A: With your clothes off.
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