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THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, March 22nd 2010
Good Morning Groanies,
I was just thinking to myself (that way no one else gets
hurt) about when people say, "Oh, my day was so long. It
felt like it went by so slow."
Why do we say that? Time is a constant. According to the
American Heritage Dictionary, it's a non-spatial continuum
in which events occur in apparently irreversible success-
ion. Time is the same for everyone. We all get the same
amount of hours, minutes and seconds during the course of
a day. It never changes for any reason... well, unless
you have a DeLorean.
So next time if you feel the need to say that your day
felt longer that most then say something like this, "Wow,
my day that is usually filled with multiple time consuming
activities felt rather empty due to the lack of the
aforementioned activities which caused me to notice the
actually passing of time, which is constant, and I yearn
for something to do that would help me to focus on some-
thing other than the passage of time and that co-worker
who smells like onion rings. What, where was I? Hello.
How's it going? I seem to have lost my page.
Just remember this for next time. I hope this helps and I
would just like to say that I... oh, I feel lightheaded.
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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Sally tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that
just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every
morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye,
and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a
dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?"
Jack says, "Why? I hardly know the girl."
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Q: Why do farts stink?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.
Q: What do you call the moisture generated when a couple
from Arkansas has sex?
A: Relative Humidity!
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