THE DAILY GROANER - October 27, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

Here's a few things that have been bugging me... followed by sarcasm from yours truly.

1. TLC Cancels 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' After Report That Mama June Is Dating A Convicted Child Molester

Oh, come on. The 'Boo Boo' clan seems so well adjusted and have such a long streak of making intelligent decision that are for nothing else but the benefit and well-being of the children. Honestly, the only reason that Honey Boo Boo mutant kid is still around is she's a meal ticket... and they probably thought that she was "too cute to eat!"

2. Ebola and those that have been around it or have it

What in the hell are you doing on planes, ships, and in public? You should be triple quarantined and have to ride a tricycle through a car wash every 20 minutes. Why are you outside? You got Ebola! People live in such denial that they just walk around thinking, "Oh, I don't have Ebola. That'll never happen to me." Sure, if you didn't just spend three months living it up in Ebolatown. There's no way you don't have it. You should be wearing a shirt that says, "I went to Ebolatown and all I got was Ebola!" What the hell is wrong with people? Wash your hands!

3. Parents who dress there two-year-old daughter in an outfit with the word "JUICY" printed on it

Hey, worst parents ever: She's a toddler, not a stripper! There's a huge difference.

Wow, I feel better. How are you doing? Halloween's coming this Friday - YEAH!!!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Three Vampires Went to a Bar --*
It was late Halloween and three young vampires went into a bar.

"What will you have?" the bartender asked.

"I'll have a full glass of warm blood," the first replied.

"I'll have a full glass of warm blood, too, thanks," said the second.

"I'll have a full glass of warm plasma," said the third.

"OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What music do ghosts like?

A: Haunting melodies!


Q: How do you say goodbye to an evil vampire?

A: So long sucker!


Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?

A: She bats her eyes!


*-- Reader Comments --*
How about dressing in personal protective equipment and writing Campbell's across the front of it in red script. You can tell everyone you are dressed as Ebola soup. Just a suggestion. --Frank
[That might work. I do enjoy soup.]

Tie a potato to your penis. You'll be a Dick-Tater. --mrsaldino
[That's gross and funny and a waste of a good potato.]

just wrap a sheet around you and go as an unmade bed --Bobfrrl
[I'm sure I got that one laying around my bedroom
somewhere.]

For Halloween, do what I'm doing - wear your normal clothes, carry a box of CornFlakes with a knife sticking out of it. You'll be a cereal killer. The normal clothes is because serial killers look like everyone else. --Steve
[That's a good one too, but I'll probably end up eating most of it. I love cereal!]

***
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