THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, May 6th 2013

Good Morning Groanies,

I was out mowing the lawn on Saturday when I noticed that the neighbor's next door were having their driveway re-finished. Three big strapping dudes were working hard to get the messy, smelly, and taxing job done the best they could when their foreman came out to inform them that they were at the wrong house.

The three guys were furious! Can you blame them? So the neighbors got a nice new-looking driveway for nothing. But that's not what was on my mind during this fiasco. What I was really thinking about was that it seems like no one is able to read, remember, or decipher correct addresses anymore.

We have lived in our house for five years now and we still can't get our mail, pizzas, deliveries, or service calls without someone phoning us to see if they are at the right house.

You'd think with GPS, Smartphones, and talking computers in our cars that any half-witted nose-picker could make it to almost any location without having to consult the stars or a creepy gas station attendant for proper directions, right?

I blame it all on text messaging, iced coffee, and capri pants. They all deserve it too. I think people are lazy, stupid, and are so self-involved that they don't have the ability to actually take the time to take themselves away from whatever lame crap that they deem to be a top priority to use critical thought and figure things out on their own. That and not being able to take responsibility for their blatant negligence.

I guess what I'm getting at is I just want my pizza delivered to my address around the same meal-time when I ordered it without having to call in the Marines to rescue it from the drooling fart-smeller that can't find my house because he's not really good with reading numbers. That driveway does look nice though.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Questions? Comments? Email Steve


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you get when you cross a wolf with a ceramicist?

A: A hairy potter.


Q: How do Priests travel from church to church?

A: By holy-copter.


*-- Two People, One Grave --*
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"


*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the tadpole feel lonely?

A: Because he was newt to the area!


Q: What do Scottish toads play?

A: Hop-scotch!

***
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