THE DAILY GROANER - July 23, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

The best part of the summer is that the ladies go around wearing skimpy clothes and show off a little skin. Nice!

The worst part of summer is that some guys go around wearing skimpy duds and show off too much skin - I'm talking about the Speedo here! Gross!

It seems like whenever I catch a glimpse, most of the time not on purpose, of a dude sporting a Speedo it's a guy that is either hairier than bigfoot or so huge that he hasn't seen his feet in so long he isn't sure if he even wearing his own shoes.

It might be gross to witness, but I have to say that I would never wear one. It's not because I'm out of shape, have a permanent "farmer's tan", or I'm as hairy as an ape. It's because I lack the confidence that one needs to pull off that look. Guys that wear a Speedo really have to have balls. And I think everyone can see that... literally.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Pure Naked Luck --*
An attractive woman from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES, YES, I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."


*-- Passing the Pearly Gates --*
St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven.

"Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks one of the men, who had been a butler.

"I was a good father," he answers.

"Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance."

St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.

The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.

But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.

At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, "Come on, Penny, let's get out of here."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight?

A: When they had lots of sleepless knights!


Q: Why are robots never afraid?

A: Because they have nerves of steel.

***
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