THE DAILY GROANER - Wed., August 31st 2011
Good Morning Groanies,Can you believe that it's almost autumn already? (Oh, I used autumn instead of fall because I wanted to sound smart. Take that high school guidance counselor.)
Soon the leaves will change color. The sun will noticeably set a little sooner than the day before. And, best of all, according to my wife, I'll have to start wearing pants when I take out the garbage at night.
Oh, there's nothing like it. I love the fall! Fall is the best, unless it's down the stairs. I'm much better now.
Groaningly yours,
Steve P.S. If you are not subscribed to our free Deal of the Day newsletter you are missing out on some big savings. Every day we feature a new item at discounts of 50, 70, 80 and even 90 percent! And now we have Deal of the Day apps for your Android or iPhone. Download the app now for free and start receiving recession busting products on everything from electronics to Egyptian sheets.
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DailyGroaner*-- Not Feeling Well --*A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"So, what's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"And what the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I just can't see my ass coming into work today."
*-- In The Barking Lot --*A girl pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure her Labrador Retriever in the back seat had fresh air while she went into the store. The dog was stretched out on the back seat, and she wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
She walked to the curb backward, pointing her finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car gave her a strange look and said. "Why don't you just put it in park?"
*-- Q and A Quickies --*Q: How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?
A: By its bark.
Q: When two snakes marry, what do their towels say?
A: Hiss and Hers.
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