THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, Sept. 30th 2013
Good Morning Groanies,I think it's time for some reader comments (and responses from me, the guy typing this right now.)
Told you I could make you say purple. Haven't thought about that joke in years. Haha, thanks for the laugh. - Leah
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You're welcome. I am here for you to laugh at.]
Steve, You start making remarks about animals and you will start loosing readers. (Missing Cat--dead or alive) Not funny!!! - Fay
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I appreciate your candor about the Missing Cat joke. But don't worry, no animals were harmed in the writing of any and all jokes in this publication.]
That brings up so many questions. Do all animals speak "Animal?" Did the little animals get to draft insects and other arthropods as "little animals?" Do centipedes get a multiple shoe discount? They should certainly buy Velcro shoes to save time. For that matter do thrifty animals that require athletic shoes go to "buy one get one free" sales? (I have it on good authority that elephants don't get involved in athletics because they can't buy round tennis shoes.) Can only animals with opposable thumbs play quarterback? Certainly the referees would have to have thumbs-- otherwise they couldn't do the coin toss. Do mantises offer the pregame prayer? Well, as the linebacker cow said, "Since we have a steak in the game, it's something to ruminant on." --Gary
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Have you been reading my dream journal, Sir?]
Thanks to all for the comments! Please, keep them coming.
Groaningly yours,
SteveJokes? Comments? Questions?
Email Steve*-- What Kind of Tracks Are These? --*Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." Then the train hit them.
*-- Should I Be Institutionalized? --*During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
*-- Q and A Quickies --*Q: How do hair stylists speed up their job?
A: They take short cuts!
Q: What is a boxer's favorite drink?
A: Punch.
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