THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, May 11th 2011
Good Morning Groanies,
Hey, I was just thinking... You know when you go to the eye doctor, or the "optometrist" if you want to be all fancy about it, and when you find yourself in the exam room they always have that eye chart on the back wall, are all of those eye charts exactly the same in every eye doctor's office or do you think they like to mix it up from time to time?
Personally, I think that they are all different. Here's my theory: If all the eye charts were in fact identical then what is stopping some practically blind patient from getting a hold of a copy, memorizing it and then pulling a fast one? I'm sure it has happened before. I'm certain that I'm not the first to come up with a clever scheme like this. But what if they are all the same?
I just want you to think about this highly probable scenario that I have brought to your attention. I know it's scary to think about, but you must. You must let it fester in your mind for at least...20 to 35 minutes. Okay, 15 seconds. I guess I was asking a lot with the 20 to 35 minutes. And in those 15 seconds imagine all of the possible dangers that may come from this optometratic nightmare. ("Optometratic" You like that? I just made that up.)
Oh Crap! What about the eye test at the DMV? Why did I think about this for so long. Brain you are a blessing and a curse, but I'll have to deal with you later. Oh, man! I've got to make a few calls!
Groaningly yours, Steve
Questions? Comments? Jokes? Email Steve
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Looking for a Laugh? You'll find them on EVTV1.com: Humor Videos
--------- How Does It Feel? --------- A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour.
Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, "Please help me!"
"Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table."
--------- A Cloned Failure --------- A brilliant research scientist was finally able to overcome the obstacles to cloning a human being. With his new, secret technique he wanted an ideal subject to clone. He thought for a while, and considering that he was a genius he decided to clone himself.
But the experiment didn't turn out very well. The clone was terribly ugly, and used the most vulgar language the doctor had ever heard. So he took it to a cliff and pushed it off.
The police, however, got wind of what he was going to do and actually saw him get rid of the clone. "You're under arrest," shouted the officer.
"You can't arrest me," replied the doctor. "I didn't kill anyone. That was only a creation."
"That may be so," answered the police, "but we have to arrest you for making an obscene clone fall."
--------- Q and A Quickies --------- Q: Why are handcuffs like cheap souvenirs?
A: They're both two wrist traps.
Q: What's the best way to make pants last?
A: Make the jacket first.
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